Episode 5: The Chapel of Chauntea

This transcript is colour coded for ease of use. Please download the PDF.

Zilpip as played by Dean

Tobe as played by Liz

Myx as played by Nina

Doomsinger as played by Thomas (Guest)

Erbak as played by Tom

Mhurren as played by Vinny

Narrator/Scraw/GM/Everything else as played by Ray

Ray/GM: Hello listeners and welcome to episode five of Tails from the Dark Dragons Inn, The Chapel of Chauntea. I just wanted to say a quick thank you to all of you that have continued coming back week after week. It’s been a cold month and we’re glad to bring just a little bit of warmth to keep you going. Getting started with a new podcast is pretty daunting, but our audience has grown a lot quicker than expected and your support makes the countless hours spent putting this all together worthwhile. As everyone knows, the best thing about discovering something new is being able to share in the excitement with someone else. If you know anyone who would be interested in our podcast, consider sharing our show with them and reach out to us on twitter @DarkDragonsInn. We’d love to hear from you.

This week marks the first week that Doomsinger becomes a permanent fixture of the game as an NPC controlled by myself and the party. I hope you continue to enjoy his total lack of interest in anything but himself. It also marks the return of Dean as Zilpip, the gnome arcanist and the rest of the cast, too. Vinny as Mhurren, Nina as Myx, Liz as Tobe, Tom as Erbak, and me, Ray, your host and game master. And I play, well, just about everyone else.

Usher: “Come in, come in! It’s freezing out there. Blimey, you must have been in the cold a while. Here have a cuppa on the house and get comfortable. The show’s about to start.”

Doomsinger: “Having survived an encounter with an unexpectedly vicious furry foe, our heroes set forth from Greenest Keep to dangers they cannot know. The Chapel of Chauntea is under siege. It’s walls quiver and shake. The people inside, they quiver and hide, praying the doors won’t break.”

GM: At the end of last session, where we were at was.. You guys had just left a tunnel. You were on route to a sanctuary in the town to rescue what you have been lead to believe is a large number of townsfolk and a priestess, the daughter of a Dwarven man who you met. As the battle has just wound down. Doomsinger saunters casually out of the tunnel and he wanders over to Mhurren.

Doomsinger: “Priest, you’re looking rather disheveled.”

Mhurren: “I’ll be fine.”

Doomsinger: “You don’t look fine.”

Mhurren: “What say we just move on, okay?”

Doomsinger: “Look, priest, you’re falling apart. I’m not going to stand here and… we’re not going to get anywhere with you bleeding all over the bloody place. Here. Come here.

GM: He just like, smacks you on the back of the head. But as he does so, you feel a radiant warmth pass through you and you feel rejuvenated as he casts Cure Wounds in the most diseffected he can muster.

Erbak: “We need to move. We’re stood here waiting for a patrol and to get found.”

GM: Scraw walks back to you all.

Scraw: “Ah, should we perhaps do something about this lot? Or should we just move on?”

Erbak: “If we leave them here, they may find the entrance to the tunnel. When someone finds a pile of bodies, they tend to investigate it

Tobe: “We should probably hide the bodies just in case anyone comes past and is suspicious to find all of their dead cohorts on the ground. Throwing them inside the tunnel might work.”

Doomsinger:Yes. I believe the doctor simply suggested that a moment ago.”

Scraw: “A fine plan!”

GM: And Scraw just starts dragging them into the tunnel.

Tobe: I help.

GM: Doomsinger hangs out on a wall, looking rather distastefully at you all.

Mhurren: Yeah, I’ll help with the bodies

GM: But he is still wearing the dragon mask, so you can’t actually see the majority. Zilpip, are you contributing? Are you helping with the bodies?

Zilpip: I’m just watching. Supervising. Overseeing.

Myx: Like we need supervising.

GM: You are being supervised by an old, disgruntled, fat, shoeless gnome.

Zilpip: “Put your back into it. Lift with your knees.”

Tobe: I scowl at him as I’m dragging a dead kobold into the tunnel.

GM: Those of you who are hiding the bodies, roll a group stealth check to determine how well you hide them.

Myx: I will hide bodies.

GM: So, you guys do, as best you can tell, a pretty good job of putting the bodies in the tunnel and not leaving any traces behind.

Tobe: Can we see anyone else around?

GM: Looking around… The area that you’re currently in is quite an open area and it leads directly to the edge of the riverbed. Where you are is actually out of the way. It’s very far from the path because it’s right at the back of the keep. And this is really… it’s at the bottom of a hill behind the keep, so this area is quite muddy. There’s not really a clear path down here. You arent really sure why they were looking around here at all, because there doesn’t seem to be anyone else. There’s no siege efforts down here. They were just wandering around beating through the bush. Maybe they chased someone down here. As far as you can tell there’s no one in the nearby vicinity. Scraw comes back and checks the area.

Scraw: “A fine job! Perhaps we should move on.”

Tobe: “I agree, we need to get there as quickly as possible.”

GM: With the sanctuary, you have been told that it is to the southwest of the keep.

Erbak: Is it a recognizable building?

GM: Very clearly recognizable building. It is a sanctuary. So it is a religious building, so it’s very much a church of some kind. How do you guys want to try and get there? I know that you are in a hurry, but the town is still under attack and it is still under siege.

Tobe: Stealthily, quickly.

Erbak: Darting from shadow to shadow.

GM: If everyone’s on board with that plan? Everyone roll stealth. How are you guys getting there? Are you guys going to follow the river or are you gonna try and navigate your way through town?

Tobe: Following the river would be best.

GM: As you’re right by the river behind this keep, you start following the shrubs and the bushes that line the river. You make your way a few hundred feet before Erbak, who is leading the group at this point, stops suddenly, splashing loudly and stumbles through a bunch of shrubs. He puts his arms out and all of you manage to stop as you hunker down in the bushes and a group of six cultists rush by, bags full of loot on their back. But they don’t seem to notice you. Moving forwards, you step out into the streets of the town, still staying close to the river, but this area is a bit more urbanized. There’s less shrubs to hide in. So you start sneaking from alley to alley, hiding behind various corners and keeping an eye out. Myx, who is taking the forefront… Roll a perception check for me, Myx.

You see a group of kobolds leading a giant lizard creature, one of the ones that you’ve seen previously in the streets. Again, you manage to suddenly stop everyone and make them pull back. As they all dive into a nearby alley, the group charges past on the hunt for something but nothing that you saw — nothing that you saw that was worth risking your neck for, to put it that way. You continue further into the town. As you come up the side of the river, you begin to see in the very near distance, the spires of the sanctuary. Tobe, with the help of Oz, you’re doing your best to keep watch to get all of you through the town as quickly as possible to aid the townsfolk. As you get closer to the sanctuary, you notice that there appears to be a patrol circling the sanctuary. You guys all arrive conflict free at the edges of the sanctuary grounds. Tobe and Myx, you guys are leading the charge. Zilpip is at the back with the Doomsinger who is obviously sauntering over here.

Myx: ”Grumpy old men can stick together.”

GM: So what we’re looking at here is a very large building made of stone. It has a peaked, slate roof and it’s a generally very square building. There are windows. Coming from the south west, you see — coming from the southwest, you see smoke. Tobe make a perception check. I mean, there’s a bunch of smoke here. You guys are all sort of hunkering down in some nearby shrubs, trying to stay out of sight. You can’t catch a lot of detail here. You do hear the sounds of some footsteps in the distance and they appear to be getting closer. But you can’t see much in the way of the detail and most of the back of the building is obscured by these large plumes of smoke.

Erbak: Keeping low, keeping low and I’m gonna follow the back lead I think. I’m going to wait and see which way the wind blows.

GM: Tobe is volunteering to send Oz —

Tobe: “Have a look.”

GM: who is the crow to have a look in advance. Sorry the Raven, not a crow.

Tobe: I’m going to slap you every time you cal him a crow.

[cawing noises]

[pigeon noises]

GM: She’s gonna send the pigeon to go and scout ahead. Is anybody opposed to that?

Myx: Well, I want to say no but it’s fine. Oz will do a fine job.

(Zilpip volunteers)

GM: How’s he gonna look through a window?

Erbak: He’ll have to walk straight in the front door. Happy with that.

[everyone laughs]

Tobe: That’s gnomist

GM: Erbak I want you to roll a perception check from your vantage point of hunkering down in the shrubs. We’re sending Oz ahead. What instructions are you giving him? Are you sending him into the smoke or are you sending him into somewhere else?

Tobe: Initially, I’m sending him into the smoke to see if he can find out anything that’s going on in that general area that they can’t see but also the instructions to try and see if he can see anything inside the building because they want to get in there in a hurry but I don’t want to run into a trap.

GM: You need to make two perception checks then. Initially, a perception check with disadvantage where you’re sending him into the smoke. Erbak, you’re hunkering down in the shrubbery. You keep an eye out and you hear from what appears to be the front of the building, you hear a loud slamming, just very rhythmic, quiet slow paced, wood on wood. Just [BOOF!] …….. [BOOF!]……… [BOOF!] Over and over and over again, happening every fifteen seconds or so. Coming towards you, though not straight in your direction, but towards your general direction, appears to be a large patrol force. The group in question that you are seeing is approximately fifteen in size. There are three cultists. There are ten kobolds and there are two of the large, feral, ambush drakes that you previously tried to recover the teeth of.

Liz, you see Oz fly into the smoke and immediately lose sight of him but you can sort of sense him. He doesn’t appear to be in any danger. He’s not flying particularly far away from you so as he enters the smoke, he starts hovering there, and you hear him in your mind.

Oz: “Kobolds! Dragon people! Six Kobolds! Six! Making a fire. Trying. Two people. Taller!”

GM: And then you stop hearing anything from him. You see him flutter out of the smoke,whizzes around the building and starts trying to look inside. He flutters around and comes back shortly afterwards.

Oz: “Lots of people inside. Very scared.”

Tobe: “Thank you Oz.” I relay what Oz told me to the rest of the party, that inside the smoke there are six kobolds making a fire and two cultists.

GM: I need you all to make a stealth check. I’d say with advantage because you’re all hiding in a bush. So you guys all hunker down and as the large group of cultists, kobolds, and ambush drakes stroll by, they walk right through the smoke and you hear muttered growlings. You don’t hear much in the way of words, more general “What are you doing? Get on with it! Get them out of there!” kind of thing. They continue past and you guys seem them come out of the smoke on the other side.

When they come out of the smoke on the other side, they continue to go round the building.

Erbak: “We need to find those people in the smoke and clear them out.”

Tobe: “Yeah, I think we should go for the group at the back of the building where we are. Get rid of them, and try and gain access to the sanctuary ourselves and get the people inside out.”

Zilpip: “If we inhale deep enough, we should be able to clear the smoke.”

Erbak: “You can go first.”

Myx: “Yeah, you do that.”

[laughing]

Tobe: I start sneaking towards the smoke coming out of the building.

Mhurren: Start inhaling.

Myx: I follow after Tobe.

GM: Myx and Tobe are taking the lead on that.

Erbak: I’m gonna hang back.

GM: Everyone who’s walking into the smoke, I want you to roll perception with disadvantage please.

Myx: Such a cruel master.

Tobe: I rolled Doomsinger’s initiative and am gonna say that he stays outside of the smoke for now.

GM: He’s going to hang back here, you guys go ahead in. That’s fine.

Doomsinger: “Seems rather silly. Priest! Go in the smoke. Get rid of whatever’s in there.”

GM: Myx can see totally fine. Liz, you can see well enough that you won’t just walk right into people there, but the smoke is stinging your eyes and any attacks that you currently make will be with disadvantage. Zilpip, were you walking into the smoke or were you just trying to see through it?

Zilpip: I’m walking into it, but inhaling at the same time. Trying to clear the smoke in front of my face.

GM: Yelling? You’re walking into the smoke just screaming, ‘clear the smoke in front of my face’?

Tobe: I think he said inhaling, not yelling.

GM: Oh, okay. I see. Inhaling, right. That’s definitely impeding you. So, you will definitely have disadvantage and you don’t really see any further than five foot in front of your face.

Zilpip: “Breathe deep, team!”

GM: You cannot see the enemies until you are next to them. Erbak, you have a similar situation. You can see into the smoke well enough that you can see the enemies. You will have disadvantage against them. Scraw also has disadvantage because he is charging in like an idiot. He can’t see shit. He is just gonna be staggering around. Mhurren, you are first up.

Mhurren: I’m just going to move right up to the edge. My full movement. Can I see anything ahead of me?

GM: Probably not, because you’re right up against the wall there.

Mhurren: Can I ready an attack? I’ll ready a dart for anything that comes into my line of sight.

GM: Tobe?

Tobe: I’m going to move over into the smoke and I’m going to take a shot with eldritch blast at the kobold straight ahead of me.

GM: You see him knock forwards as the blast hits him and he reaches up and goes [kobold noises] and he turns to the kobold next to him and goes..

Kobold: “What’d you do that for?”

GM: He’s obviously saying this in Draconic. He tries to swipe at him, cause he did not see you.

Tobe: Awesome.

GM: You used force blast and he thinks his mate next to him tried to hit him.

Tobe: Best outcome of that whole attack to be honest

GM: And they’re just sitting there like, “Ah, what the fuck? I didn’t do anything! What’s your problem? You’re just like the bloody humans, you are.” “Humans, how dare you? They’re filth they is!” Backwards and forwards chatting bullshit at each other. Even the lowly kobold thinks very little of humanity. Zilpip!

Zilpip: How much smoke can I inhale per turn? Can I tanglefoot into where I think all of the bad guys are?

GM: Yes, you have a rough idea of where the building is, so you can certainly walk towards the building.

Zilpip: I’ll throw it to there and then throw my tanglefoot into the midst. I understand there’s smoke, so I don’t know where it’s going to go.

GM: For this purpose, then, we will roll a d6. You can throw it as far as you want in that direction, but that is the direction you throw it. You throw a bag of goo and you feel very proud of yourself. Mhurren, you can see just fine.

Mhurren: Got a bead on them. I’ll shoot a dart. Well, that doesn’t matter. I rolled a one.

GM: You see this Kobold, you throw a dart and you see him turning at his friend going, ‘What are you doing? Bah! Why are you doing {grumbling/fighting}’ and all of a sudden he hears this clack behind him. “what?” He starts looking around.

Mhurren: Did he notice me, though?

GM: He did not notice you, no.

Kobold: “What’s going on?”

GM: He’s looking alarmed and alert. Doomsinger is going to start yelling things. He’s just going to start shouting insults into this fuck and he starts yelling out.

Doomsinger: “Tiamat’s a ho!”

GM: That might not have been the most sensible thing to do, but it is what he does and he casts Vicious Mockery. It doesn’t actually affect anyone, but he is now shouting ‘Tiamat’s a ho’.

Tobe: I’m just facepalming on the spot.

GM: You all feel these weird tingles when you hear the words ‘Tiamat’s a ho’. It makes you feel uncomfortable, but doesn’t seem to have an impact on you. Because he couldn’t see anything, it’s not targeting anything, so it’s just enchanted words milling around. Myx?

Myx: So, from where I am, can I not see the kobolds and everything?

GM: No, you can see just fine.

Myx: In that case, I’m going to attack the one that right across from Tobe.

GM: This one that keeps getting attacked by things he can’t see. He’s just getting bapped around, so he’s currently looking at the wall like, “Something’s going on here. Something’s not right.” You, unleash a eldritch blast and this time, he’s looking around like “What’s going on?” and his body just flies forward into the drakes in front of him and they all suddenly start looking around cause there is now a dead kobold flung into them. You see the kobolds, they start looking around. Some of them seem to notice you, others just start looking around in panic and confusion. Scraw can’t see shit, but he did hear a whole bunch of noise. So, he’s just going to start wandering this way.

Tobe: Wander until you find something.

GM: Yeah, exactly. He just starts wandering towards the noise and you see him staggering blindly with his glaive in front of him. And that is how he’s attacking. Wandering with his glaive ahead of him and hoping it touches something.

Tobe: It’s both cute and horrifying.

Mhurren: Probably the best one can hope for

GM: You watch as Scraw is wandering away from you guys with the glaive out in front of him and he basically drives the front of the glaive through the face of the kobold that he encounters. By accident, mostly. And you know it hit, because you just hear [kobold scream] and you all just see the glaive drive itself firmly through the kobold in front of him like butter and it drops to the ground. The cultists hearing the scream look alarmed and now they definitely see Scraw standing in front of them. Erbak!

Erbak: I’ll actually move forward a little bit.

GM: I said that you could see through the smoke to the nearest enemies, but the nearest enemies that you can see have now been dropped and everything else is obscured. You can see the two cultists and you can just about see another kobold there, but he has significant cover from you.

Erbak: I’m going to cast toll the dead.

GM: He does freak out as he hears the ringing bell.

Cultist: “Quick! We must handle this!”

GM: Mhurren?

Mhurren: I will move over this side a bit. I’ll fire another dart at the guy right in front of me.

GM: So you see him reach up and grab his face [pained scream] as the dart pierces the eye of his mask and is now protruding from one eye. You just blinded this dude on one side of his face. He has a dart protruding from his skull as he’s trying to wrench it out, but he is looking extremely pained as he staggers around. Tobe?

Tobe: I’m going to eldritch blast the cultist standing next to the other one

GM: Unfortunately that does not hit.

Tobe: Yeah, I figured. I’m going to stand where I am and end my turn.

GM: Zilpip?

Zilpip: Can I wildly throw acid into that group?

GM: Actually, before you do anything, I’m going to say Doomsinger takes his turn before you do. You still can’t see that group, because you rolled so poorly, you can only see five feet in front of your face. You can probably hear them, but I’d say it’s going to be hard. The smoke is causing a lot of disorientation and you really don’t have a clear idea of where anything is or what’s going. However, before you do that, you hear.

Doomsinger: “Oh, for bloody hell’s sake.{disgust}

GM: And you hear some incantation and orbs of light spring into the smoke. Doomsinger casts these orbs of light and you just see glowing spots of smoke.

Doomsinger: “Ah. That didn’t work quite how I expected. Well.”

GM: However, he has cast the light orbs somewhat successfully over the enemy group so he has given you the ability to target something, but he did not indicate that, that is what they are, so roll an intelligence check to determine whether or not you think Doomsinger has targeted these light balls. You are a master strategist. You’ve been doing this for centuries. You understand that if he has any wits about him, he’s probably tried to highlight the enemies’ location. So, though you cannot determine the enemies’ location for yourself, you will be able to attack them but with disadvantage. You at least get to choose which direction you’re throwing your fucking thing.

Zilpip: Alright, I’ll target one of the ones in the middle.

GM: You hear the smash and tinkle of your acid as it hits something, but you don’t hear any of the typically associated screams of pain.

Zilpip: Aw.

Tobe: Such a disappointed sound.

Zilpip: I’ll move to here.

GM: But now the kobolds are going to start reacting. This kobold is a strategy guy. Oh, I’ll target that fat looking gnome guy. He gets to about here and he starts walking through the sticky shit and he’s like [kobold noises]. He pulls out his slingshot and fires at Zilpip. That misses, right?

Zilpip: Right.

GM: So this kobold, he’s going to run over here and he’s going to take a stab at Tobe.

Tobe: Nooo!

GM: Cause Tobe looks squishy. He stabs you up with his dagger. It’s teeny tiny little dragon dagger stabs you in your nether regions. [kobold noises]

Tobe: What a dick.

GM: I mean, he’s quite short, he’s a kobold. He just stabs wherever he can reach. Myx?

Myx: I want to attack the kobold that just inappropriately hit Tobe. Eldritch blast.

GM: Thick plumes of smoke billow up from the pile of straw that they were trying to set fire to unsuccessfully. {surprised}That was a very successful roll.

Myx: Yeah, man.

GM: I call bullshit. I think you’re cheating. I need to know how.

[laughing]

Myx: I just hacked the dice, it’s fine.

GM: You see this kobold stabbing Tobe and you remember being stabbed by a kobold dagger and how much and you’re like ‘Nooo!’ and you eldritch blast the shit out him. He goes flying back. [kobold noise] and dies at the feet of his compatriots.

Myx: Woo! Myx has avenged Tobe

GM: You just hear behind you [woo] and turn around and Myx is doing an anime girl pose.

Tobe: Can I high five Myx? Even though I’m in pain?

Myx: Yeah, man!

Tobe: I high five her. This is probably actually the only willing contact I’ve had with someone that the rest of the party has seen.

Myx: I feel very pleased and know I’ve done a good thing.

GM: This kobold sees that Scraw is not wearing any armor and assumes this means that he is an easy target and stabs Scraw.

Erbak: Those kobolds are not smart.

GM:Yeah, that does not hit the guy wearing nothing but pants. Scraw just dances around the little dagger stabs and then he looks down and

Scraw: “Well met!”

GM: Brings up his glaive ready for his attack.

Tobe: Oh god, that kobold made a mistake.

Mhurren: Such finesse

GM: This cultist is going to take a longbow and he is going to shoot in the direction of Tobe and Myx and he is going to attack Myx.

Myx: I’ll fight him.

GM: An arrow flies through the air leaves you with a line of blood across your cheek, missing a vital organ such as your eyeball. Scraw continues swinging his glaive down in front of him. Kobold gets smashed as Scraw spins the glaive and wails it down blade first, splitting the creature in two. The cultist here runs forward with a scimitar, seeing the brutality that has been inflicted upon his minion. Scraw takes a pretty hefty blow from the scimitar wielding cultist. Erbak?

Erbak: Toll the dead

GM: As you toll the dead, you see him reacting to the bell. He’s like ‘gotta gotta get down, cause I want it all’.

Erbak: I hate this place

GM: He just starts tapping his foot along to the rhythm of the bell and then winces as it appears to hurt him somehow. The kobold by the door here abandons his attempts at setting fire to the door, but does his best to stab Scraw. Cause Scraw is looking real fucked up and that’s a natural twenty.

Mhurren: Shit!

Erbak: Oh dear.

GM: And Scraw just goes down. Scraw, you see, drops to his knees and he looks confused as he looks down at himself covered in blood.

Scraw: “This wasn’t how it was supposed to..”

GM: And he just falls over.

Myx: Is he dead?

GM: No.

Mhurren: He’s unconscious.

Myx: Okay, okay.

GM: Mhurren?

Mhurren: Can I see our friend fallen down?

GM: Yep.

Mhurren: So I’m going to rush right over here and take the kobold out with a mace.

GM: So you try and swing for the kobold and he dashes backwards out of the way slightly. As, I assume, your fist comes through in a follow up blow and it slams into the side of the kobold, he drops to the ground. You slam his head into the wall.

Mhurren: And then I just turn my attention to the cultist.

GM: Tobe, what do you do?

Tobe: I’m going to cast chill touch on the cultist in front of Mhurren.

GM: You see the skeletal hand manifest behind the cultist and latch onto the back of his skull. He arches in pain, but seems to still be standing. The Doomsinger, hearing all the kerfuffle, is finally going to make a move and he launches a firebolt into the cultist directly in front of Mhurren. Also, seeing that seems to be what everybody is after. It’s a very beefy guy, too. The cultist embraces the flame, puffs out his chest and goes

Cultist: “Ha ha! I am unquenchable.”

Tobe: “We’ll see.”

GM: Zilpip?

Zilpip: can I try and shoot that one?

GM: You shoot your crossbow into the smoke in no retort. Very soon, you see a kobold standing in front of you. [Kobold noises] as he stabs you in the face with a dagger. Or tries to, at least. Myx?

Myx: Is it that cultist that hurt Scraw?

GM: The cultist in front of Mhurren is still the cultist. Hit him with a really heavy scimitar swing and the kobold finished the job. Once more with the fury of vengeance in your heart, you blast out an eldritch blast and the body of the cultist crumples, lying dead, surrounded by corpses of kobolds and the unconscious body of your friend. This cultist is not as bold as his friend, and he has just watched his friend eat it, so he is going to start fuckin running to go get help from the group that not long passed around that corner. Scraw is going to make a death save, which he succeeds. Erbak?

Erbak: Well, given that I probably can’t see that cultist anymore, I’m going to run over to Scraw and do what I can to see if I can stabilize him. Assess the injuries, though.

GM: Practice real medicine.

Mhurren: I’m just going to keep a close eye while the doctor does his work. So he isn’t checking his teeth or whatever.

GM: So you quickly assess his injuries, you find the key points where he is visibly bleeding. You use what salves you have to hand to rapidly seal the wounds. He does not get brought to consciousness, but he is now stable. So he is.. He seems to be breathing lightly, but he is not at risk of death.

Erbak: “You there, orc. Pick him up. Carry him, gently.”

GM: Mhurren?

Erbak: Ah there’s still a kobold to be fair?

GM: You’ve just seen him run off.

Mhurren: There’s still this dude here, so I’m just going to shoot my dart at it.

GM: You throw a dart into the kobold that has been repeatedly trying to attack Zilpip and he drops to the ground, falling dead into the slime at his feet. Tobe?

Tobe: I’m going to go over there and cast eldritch blast on the escaping cultist.

GM: So you try and blast this guy, but you just can’t get a bead on him. Your eyes are still stinging from the smoke. Doomsinger, he saw that guy run off so he is going to move and try and firebolt this guy. You see him cast the firebolt. Misses wide, blasts against the wall on the outside. He turns to you, Zilpip, and says.

Doomsinger: “For gods’ sakes, gnome, do something about him!”

Zilpip: “Can’t you even kill a cultist?” I’m going to run out there and go down on one knee.

GM: This guy is looking really really rough.

Zilpip: Shoot this guy with my crossbow.

GM: Oh, so close.

Zilpip: Oh no.

GM: You kneel down on one knee and you level your crossbow and it just goes wide.

Tobe: He trips and stumbles out the way.

GM: He stumbles over the arrow as it hits the dirt behind him. Myx, you see everybody rushing over in that direction. What do you do?

Myx: I am going to rush over, too. As far as I can.

GM: Okay, so you get to about here and just as you do, you notice the sticky slime that you’ve seen Zilpip use before. You manage to step to the side and keep running in that direction. You are successfully able to run the full distance. Unimpeded.

Myx: I am going to try and pick up where the gnome failed and eldritch blast for a fourth time.

[everyone groaning]

Mhurren: This guy wants to live.

Myx: [singing] I tried so hard and didn’t get far enough.

GM: With all of the attacks coming behind him, this guy dodging and weaving unlike Bran, manages to get halfway down the building. From where you are Zilpip, looking around, you don’t see any sign of the patrol there immediately. You can still just see the cultist. Erbak?

Erbak: I’m going to assume that by now, they probably will have caught that bugger. So, what we need to do is get through that door now. Is there a back door?

GM: There’s definitely a back door here. The smoke you see is actually coming from a large pile of what looks like damp straw and wood. They were clearly trying really hard to get burning, but it just wasn’t taking. So it’s just smoldering. But it’s smoldering in a kind of peat smoke kind of way and just generating plumes of massive amounts of smoke.

Erbak: I want to get inside to get them out. Without breaking down the door

Tobe: Just break it down.

Erbak: I’m going to try and yell through the door, “Eadyn? Eadyn Falconstone?”

GM: You don’t initially hear a response, but you hear some scuffling. Like the sounds of people moving inside, but you don’t immediately hear a vocal response.

Erbak: I just beckon at whoever can see me to come over

GM: Mhurren?

Mhurren: Well, I heard the doctor earlier to tell me to go pick up Scraw, so I’m going to go do that. Just kind of following his lead.

GM: Make a strength check because this is a big ass bug bear.

Mhurren: Certainly!

GM: So you try and lift Scraw, but he’s totally unconscious, he’s absolute deadweight at the moment. Figuratively deadweight. You are not really able to pick him up, but you are able to drag him slowly across the ground. Try and grab him under the shoulders and you drag his body back towards the door. Tobe?

Tobe: I’m going over to this corner and I’m keeping an eye out, to watch for whoever that cultist is gone to get. Assuming that they come down this side.

GM: Roll perception for me? It’s not even that hard, so you just peek around the corner and you see the cultist is still in sight and you do not see anyone else in the immediate vicinity. He has not made it to the end of the building yet, so he is still visible and in range and running.

Tobe: I’m going to attack him again. I’m gonna eldritch blast him, hope that I don’t miss.

Mhurren: This is the one.

Tobe: For fuck’s sake!

GM: You focus, you try to reach out, but [woosh] you blast the ground next to him. Dirt is thrown out of the ground.

Tobe: And then I move back.

GM: You shift back behind the wall and you’re like, “God dammit, get it together, Tobe!” You just hear Oz in your head going [Laughter like cawing]. He’s not always a nice bird. Doomsinger wanders over to this goo, starts investigating the kobolds, digging around a bit. He sees no real reason to pursue that guy because he has taken care of it already. Zilpip?

Zilpip: I’ll just fire another bolt. Pew pew.

[laughing]

GM: You shoot an arrow at the guy. The arrow hits the dirt. Your eyes are failing in your old age. Myx, you rush over there, trying to make sure the cultist has been taken down. You see Tobe fire off a blast and hide back behind the wall. You rush over and you see this guy staggering and falling all over the place. And you get the idea that they’re missing because he’s just so [panting and coughing].

Myx: I’m like, “No guys. This is the end. I’m gonna do it.”

GM: [singing] Whoa-oh, we’re halfway there.

Mhurren: You’re gonna drop him!

[more singing]

GM: You rush, and go ‘oh god, he’s still there.’ and you blast him with an eldritch blast. And it clips the back of his head as he’s stumbling. And you’re like ‘oh god, shit!’ and you watch as he face first plants into the dirt.

Tobe: Are you serious?!

GM: He literally had one health point that entire time.

Mhurren: Oh my god.

GM: Missed him over and over. Well done.

You didn’t stand around very long to determine the patrol route or how long or how frequent the patrols were. So you have no idea how long it’s gonna be until the next patrol shows up.

Tobe: I hurry over to the door.

Mhurren: Doomsinger is going to saunter over towards the group by the door and go

Doomsinger: “Come on now, get the bloody thing open.”

GM: Yep, that sounds about right. Zilpip, your bag has now worn away. What are Myx and Zilpip doing?

Myx: Going to where everyone else is, because I feel very far away from them. Seeing what all the fuss is about. Are you doing the same, Zilpip?

Zilpip: Yeah, mate.

GM: Erbak, you have been standing by the door. Are you knocking or are you shouting Eadyn Falconstone?

Erbak: I’m knocking, I think. “Eadyn. {Frustrated} We’ve been sent by your father. We’re here to help. Eadyn!

GM: Make a persuasion check with advantage.

Mhurren: Does he gently persuade the door to open?

GM: You hear

Voice: “Prove it! You sound awfully reptilian, friend! How do I know you’re not one of them? How do I not know that you’ve kidnapped my father and you’ve tortured him for information and now you’re trying to get us out of here?”

Zilpip: “He makes a good point.”

Erbak: “Well, you guys can try. You can try. I’m done here.”

Zilpip: “What’s this guys name supposed to be again?”

GM: The Doomsinger strolls up to the door.

Doomsinger: “Open up, will you? We don’t have all day.”

Myx: In his most, poshest accent, of course. And snippiest. He’s very snippy. Cause he’s being rude.

GM: Because he’s being rude and she’s just been made very uncomfortable by some lizard sounding guy.

Voice: “You’re not getting in here!

Zilpip: “I wouldn’t be concerned about him being a lizard so much as being a bad doctor.”

Erbak: “When you can fix the bugbear, you come to me.”

Tobe: “Look, we came from the keep. That’s where we met your father. He asked us to come and save you. We saw a patrol go by, we don’t know when the next one’s going to be and we’d like to get everyone out of there before they come back. I don’t think we could hold off another group successfully.”

GM: There is still a whole bunch of smoke, she can’t really see very clearly. She’s just not convinced.

Zilpip: I’m going to pour acid on the door.

GM: Zilpip, you’re just going to pour acid on the lock of the door?

Myx: Wait wait wait

Zilpip: Unless there’s I guess a lock or if there’s a.. Whatever latching mechanism would be, if it’s not on the lock itself.

GM: Myx, you’re saying ‘Wait’. You see Zilpip wandering towards the door and reaching into his bag again. You don’t know what he’s going to do, but he’s reaching into that bag and anytime he reaches into that bag, something bad happens.

Myx: “Just hold on a minute! Tobe, is there any way Oz could unlock the door from the inside for us? Is that possible?”

GM: You see Zilpip kind of go over to the door, start reaching into his bag, and Myx is like ‘Wait, wait, wait, we can do something else.’ As you’re turning to have this conversation with Tobe, you see Zilpip reach into his bag and pull something else out anyway and start walking towards the still on the ground, covered in mud and blood, Scraw.

Myx: I assume no acid is going anywhere near Scraw so it’s okay. I ask Tobe, “Is there anyway we can get Oz inside?”

Tobe: “He could probably try and find a way inside, but i’d like to remind you, he’s a bird. I don’t think he can unlock the door.”

Myx: “I mean, he could use his beak, right? Just like, you know, in those..” I was going to say TV shows, but we don’t have TV shows in dnd.

Zilpip: “Those puppet shows.”

Myx: “Yes! Those puppet shows with the hairpins.”

Tobe: I’m just kind of giving her a look.

Doomsinger: “Could find a key.”

Myx: “A key!”

Doomsinger: “Perhaps.. Is your bird a thief?”

Tobe: “He could be!” I turn and relay the instructions to Oz to see if he can find anyway inside quickly and locate a means for them to unlock the door.

GM: You don’t immediately hear back from him. You don’t get any sense of danger or anything like that, but doesn’t come back for a little while. In the meantime, though, Zilpip, are you going to give Scraw the healing potion?

Zilpip: Yeah. I’m going to pour it into his mouth. {dramatically}Rise! Riiiiiise!”

GM: He comes back to consciousness. You see Zilpip feed something to Scraw and you see his eyes flutter open. He opens his eyes and looks into the face of Zilpip.

Scraw: “{surprise}Ah!”

Myx: I am looking in my bag of things and trying to figure out if my quill could work as a lockpick.

Tobe: I’m dubious that even if Oz could find a way into the building, that he’d find anything to open the door with. I have a suggestion but it’s probably just going to make everyone inside more scared of us, but we probably need to force the door open, rather than poncing around trying to find keys and trying to persuade..

Myx: I look really disappointed and put the quill away.

Mhurren: I wanted to try to break the door down.

GM: As you wander over to this.. Zilpip, are you still going to try and apply acid to the door?

Zilpip: Yeah, mate. Using my ancient locksmith knowledge

GM: You see Zilpip go over to the door, look around for the hinges and the locks and takes out some acid and starts putting bits of acid on the door. And you just see parts of it smoking, but eventually the smoking stops and the door does not appear to budge.

Erbak: Can I pop round the side of the corner to see if there’s anyone coming

GM: Go ahead and roll a perception check. You don’t see the patrol immediately, but you do see them starting to round the far corner over here. Mhurren, with an almighty heave, you whack the mace square into the door and it just caves in flat. As you do so, you see inside, people suddenly rushing backwards. The door actually catches a couple of people and leaves more than a few of them looking bruised and disgruntled. As you rush in and you hear shrieks of panic as people start running around and running away.

Mhurren: I put my hand up. “We’re here to help!”

GM: You see a short-ish half-orc woman, looking up at you. Very broad-shouldered.

Half-Orc: “Well, if you’re here to help, fat lot of good that would have done. They’ve got a way in, now.”

Tobe: “And you’ve got a way out.”

Half-Orc: “We had a way out, ugh.”

Mhurren: I go and help the people I knocked down with the door.

GM: Okay, so you guys all rush in.

Erbak: I go back to the group and warn them of the incoming party.

GM: The woman here is the half-orc, half-dwarf. The rest of you are.. People are just running around in a panic, trying to get away from you but also trying to stay away from the front door, which you see now is just shaking. There’s now a bunch of smoke coming into the building from the pile of straw that was just smoldering outside. So every thirty seconds or so, loud banging, and you see now each time that the bang happens, the doors at the front of the church which appear to be barred, shake. You see the windows shake inside the building. There’s smoke now rolling across the ceiling. The afraid townsfolk are just frantically trying to keep away from you all. You see various men and women with improvised weapons shaking and readying themselves to try and fight and protect their families.

Mhurren: My hand is still up and I shout, “Please! Stay calm! Mr. Falconstone sent us!” And I look around. Are we in some kind of a storeroom?

GM: You are, at the moment, yes. There’s lots of crates and barrels. Myx?

Myx: I yell really loudly just to stop and cast a light cantrip on my dagger and hold it up like a beacon in an attempt to get their attention.

GM: You light up the dagger. Go ahead and roll a persuasion with advantage. Whilst you’re doing that, Mhurren? What are you trying to do in the storage room?

Mhurren: I was trying to begin building a barricade. Trying to block the doorway.

GM: Is everybody inside at this point?

Tobe: {dubiously} You mean the one you just smashed in?

GM: Tobe’s still outside. Erbak, I believe, is outside as well. Doomsinger definitely didn’t rush in. He’s just dawdling outside [humming]. Erbak’s rushed over and what exactly did you tell them?

Erbak: “Hurry! The patrol is nearly back! around the corner.”

GM: So, they’re travelling quite slowly, they were just around the corner up towards the north of the building. So, you gather you’ve probably got a couple of minutes, but they are definitely on their way. Myx, you manage to calm some of the people near you but the majority of people are still rushing away and panicked. Eadyn turns towards you and

Eadyn: “What do you expect we should do here?”

Myx: “Let us help you. That’s all we’re trying to do ultimately.”

Eadyn: “How? How do you intend to help? You’ve broken the only.. You’ve given them a doorway into the building.”

Myx: “Well, I mean. We can probably patch that up. And we can all fight.”

Eadyn: “And then what? You expect farmers and villagers to fight these people?”

Myx: “We can fight. We can protect you guys.”

Eadyn: “Do you realize how many of them that are here? We don’t have time for this.”

Myx: “How many are you?”

Tobe: I interject-

GM: The door at the front of the building bangs again as the battering ram slams in.

Tobe: “No, we don’t have time. The patrol is on the way back and they’re going to notice whether we’re inside the building or not that all of their cohorts are dead or unconscious. We need to get everyone out as quickly as possible. Staying here is not an option.”

GM: She wanders over to the door and tries to peer through the smoke, sees the bodies of the kobolds and the cultists lying around.

Eadyn: “You’re right. Let’s get them out of here.”

GM: She rushes over to Myx, and she’s two-thirds of your height, Myx. And she looks up at the dagger and

Eadyn: “Everyone! Come! You know me. You know I only have your interests at heart. You must follow these people and flee, now! Get your family, get your children, we must go.”

Myx: I wiggle the dagger in my hand.

Eadyn: “Follow the blue woman!”

GM: She stands aside to one side of the door. People start coming towards the back of the building. The door slams and shakes once more. Bits of rubble falling from the ceiling and the front door appears to have large cracks.

Tobe: I run around back to the side of the building to peer around and see where the patrol has gotten.

GM: At this point Oz comes back to you and you feel disappointed. He was unable to find a way into the building. They’re not that far at this point. They’re moving at a very leisurely pace, but they’re about halfway down the building.

Tobe: I don’t want to call too loudly to get their attention, “We need to hurry. We need to be gone.”

GM: At this point, Myx, did you lead the townsfolk out of the room?

Myx: Yes.

GM: Okay, so you rush over to the exit. Mhurren is standing there starting to look through the bits of barrels and trying to find something appropriate to build a barricade. You see Myx running towards you and you heard Eadyn saying follow her. And you do see the townsfolk start trickling out behind her and they start to rush out in increasingly large numbers and you see Eadyn trying to slow people here and there because, you know, she doesn’t want to cause a stampede but she obviously knows… hurrying them where appropriate, slowing them down.

Eadyn: “Let them through, let them through.”

GM: And she stops like an old guy trying to push in front of her.

Eadyn: “Just be patient! We’ll all get out of here alive, it’s gonna be fine just you can’t cause –”

GM: And she just keeps moving people through the door.

Mhurren: I’ll just clear the doorway a bit.

GM: So you easily heft the door to once side and you smile as you gesture people out the door

Mhurren: “Follow the blue woman! Get to the keep!”

GM: where the friendly Erbak and Scraw and the masked dragon cultist looking fucker, Doomsinger, all standing there to greet them. He’s still wearing the dragon mask, absolutely, yeah. So, he’s basically got a greeting party of a bugbear, a lizardman, a masked dragon cultist looking guy, and Zilpip, disgruntled and old.

Myx: I don’t know if there’s any time for this right now but could I grab a cultist’s robe from one of the ones that we killed if that’s possible?

GM: You’ve rushed outside and you’re leading the crowd of people. Everyone make a group intelligence check. Just straight intelligence.

Between the group of you, you actually very successfully manage to usher these people out through the smoke and out towards the southwest side of the building in the opposite direction in the way that the cultists are coming.

Myx: Honestly, I’m going to grab as many robes as I can.

GM: You manage to find the cultists, but he’s lying on his back and the robe is a full body robe. You have time, probably, to whip the mask off if you wanted, but you don’t have time to take the robe.

Myx: Okay, that’s fine, I’ll take the mask.

GM: As you’re rushing by, you manage to rip the mask off of this guy and you continue to usher people away. You guys then, especially with that group intelligence roll, successfully lead the group of townsfolk back towards the keep.

Erbak: We’ll lead them to the same entrance we left through

GM: You manage to successfully lead the group back to the tunnel entrance. When you get there, the door is locked.

Zilpip: Should have swallowed the key.

Mhurren: I run over to the front and go and unlock the door with the key.

GM: Sure. You unlock it. You guys lead the townsfolk inside the tunnel.

Erbak: And lock it behind us!

GM: And lock it behind you. You are intelligent enough to keep an eye out for any appearances or signs of rats due to your recent experience in said tunnels. You guys make it back to the keep without incident. You manage to save a whole bunch of cultists. Cultists? Ha ha ha. Manage to save a whole bunch of townspeople being pursued by cultists. And you make it safely, albeit in various points of healing and health back to the keep. When you make it, you guys arrive with Eadyn Falconstone and she looks around you all. You see that Edric is still waiting there, just a little gnome guard.

Edric: [stuttering] “Good to see you made it back.”

GM: As you come through the door, he was actually there with his sword and shield ready to attack whatever came through, then he sees that

Edric: [stuttering] “Ah! Yes, you made it! Oh, that’s a lot of people. I should… we should be checking, are they all really… these are all good people, right?”


GM: Eadyn looks at you all and says

Eadyn: “Do any of you require healing?”

Tobe: “I do.”

Myx: I raise my hands. “Yes, please.”

Zilpip: “I could do with a lay on hands.”

GM: She looks at you, Zilpip.

Eadyn: “You actually seem quite healthy, are you sure? For one who is quite so old, it’s well.. Nonetheless.”

GM: She ushers the townsfolk upstairs and then she says

Eadyn: “Is there anywhere we can go? We can sit? This may take a while.”

Tobe: I recall the room we were in before. “Maybe we can use that room we were interrogating that cultist before?”

Edric: [stuttering] “That’s the governor’s quarters. Perhaps we should find somewhere else? I can take you. We’ll see if we can find somewhere.”

GM: And he starts leading you into one of the unoccupied rooms upstairs, where Eadyn performs a prayer of healing and if you are not a religious type and you do not wish to be healed by religious mumbo jumbo, you may choose to not be involved with this. Cause that’s exactly what Doomsinger calls it.

Doomsinger: “I don’t need any of this religious mumbo jumbo!”

Mhurren: I’m going to step away kindly

Myx:I’m an aasimar, I’m gonna go for it.

Zilpip: Do you get more hit points if you believe during the ceremony?

Mhurren: I feel uncomfortable, so I’m just like, “I’ll be outside.”

Doomsinger: “I’m with you, priest.”

GM: And he wanders out.

Mhurren: “No, I think you should.. You look a bit rough, although-”

Doomsinger: “No, no. I won’t be taking part. If you don’t need it, I don’t need it. Religious nonsense!

Mhurren: I’m going to sort of put my hands around his shoulders and “It’s for the best.”

Doomsinger: “It’s not happening, priest. I don’t need any of this godly nonsense.” As he’s walking out, “I’m surprised that you, mister doctor. I thought the only medicine you cared about was your own.”

Erbak: “It may just be religious mumbo jumbo, but I’m not foolish enough to give it up. I won’t turn away from medical attention, common sense man!”

GM: She sits on the rug in the middle of the room and she crosses her legs. She puts her hands on her knees and she begins to pray. She has said she will offer healing and she sits on the ground and begins to pray.

[cat meow]

GM: That’s exactly what it sounds like.

[laughing]

GM: I mean this is some serious praying. Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Erbak: I’m immediately bored.

GM: This takes ten minutes, at least. She is not glowing, she does not appear to be doing any magic. She is simply praying. She has her eyes closed. She’s not looking at any of you. She’s just…

Mhurren: Yeah, I just turn to Doomsinger with his reluctance and I just go, “Well, if you get into trouble, let me know.”

Doomsinger: “I will, priest. Don’t you worry about me. I’ve got more than.. I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve yet. You know me. I just let the big beefy ones do the front line work and I clean up the rest.”

Mhurren: “I know.”

Doomsinger: “I’m quite alright without any of that religious muckery.”

GM: Erbak, at this point, she is not observing your wounds in any way. She does not appear to be casting magic upon you. She is simply praying.

Erbak: I’m a doctor. I’m a scientist. I’m patient enough to wait this out.

GM: Scraw is looking really fucking rough. He is just holding on.

Scraw: “Right now, I’m willing to try anything. Do your worst.”

Myx: I will sit next to Scraw and put my arm over his shoulder if I can reach.

GM: He’s 6’8” but he’s sitting on the floor.

Myx: I put my hand on his shoulder. I can probably reach.

GM: You just walk over, and you put your hand on his shoulder.

Scraw: “Well, this is new.”

GM: And he’s just looking at the priest, watching. Staring at the priest like, ‘Nothing’s happening. Feel like shit. Nothing’s happening.’ But as this prayer happens and she’s praying, you feel kind of comforted. This woman’s closeness with her deity feels reassuring. And as you begin to relax, you feel the warmth of her words just seeps in. You feel just a gentle warmth and warmness just flowing through you. You just feel rejuvenated. You feel lighter, somehow. By the time she is done praying, Scraw looks like he’s feeling pretty good.

Myx: Yay for praying.

Tobe: Yaaay.

GM: And throughout this entire process, she did not glow. She did not appear to do any magic. She just prayed and you feel better now.

[Outro music begins]

Myx: I feel warm and snuggly. Like a really big blanket burrito.

GM: Hot cocoa, blanket burrito. Marshmallows in the hot cocoa. Someone’s making s’mores. There are candles everywhere.

Myx: No, no. I might turn into a puddle, cause that sounds too good.

GM: You’re all sat here, and ten minutes later you’re just slinking in your chair. You just feel really mellowed out, man.

Tobe: I was probably feeling vaguely uncomfortable, and obviously now I’m probably a bit more relieved at least

GM: He’s just like, well, ‘this is new’. You’ve never really felt this comfortable or relaxed around anyone before. And now you’re feeling this comfortable and relaxed around a whole group of people.

Tobe: I’ll freak out about that later.

GM: Just really nice, you know? Just want to be close to people.

Myx: Like when you’ve had that second or third cocktail.

GM: The permanent buzz of real snuggly.

Ray/GM: And we leave our party here to get some well-earned rest. But for how long? Tune in next week. I promise, it’s not one you’ll want to miss. Don’t forget, you can find more info on our podcast and crew at http://tftddi.co.uk and you can follow us on twitter @DarkDragonsInn. If you have the time, consider leaving us a review on iTunes. That will help spread the word and let us know how we’re doing. The song you heard at the beginning of this episode was Extravaganza by TRG Banks and the song you’re hearing now is While You Are Here by Ending Satellites. Until next time. Travel safe and remember the Scales of Justice are here for you, always.

The Doomsinger Written by: