Sidequests: A Tale of Three Princesses – Part 1

This transcript is colour coded for ease of use. Please download the PDF.

Tobe as played by Liz

Scraw/Oz as played by Ray

Mhurren as played by Vinny

Narrator/GM/Everything else as played by Nina

[Audio Description]

{Tone Guide/Sarcasm etc}

[Intro music]

Ray: Host: Hello, and welcome to Tails from the Dark Dragon’s Inn: Sidequests, A Tale of Three Princesses. I hope you enjoyed the show last week. I’m recording this one just a little bit earlier than earlier, as when this episode airs, myself and Nina, who plays Myx, will be at London MCM. So, if you’re in the area, stop by Comic Village and say hi. We’ll be under the banner of Pearlesqued.

Don’t forget, we now have a Patreon and we’d love to have your support. You can stop by at Remember, if this content isn’t your cup of tea, Season 2 starts the week after next, but I heartily recommend sticking around because this episode is easily one of my favorites. So, without further ado, for the first time, I’ll be handing over the torch. Hope you all have fun.

GM: I’m running a teensy, tiny little bitty one shot for you guys to give our wonderful DM a break. The most important thing for you guys to know is that Mhurren, Scraw and Tobe are all princesses. {laughs}

Mhurren: I’m down with that.

Scraw: Hi, I’m Ray and I play Princess Scraw, the barbarian bugbear.

Mhurren: Hi, I’m Vinny and I guess tonight, Matthew , I’m playing Princess Mhurren, the half-orc monk.

Tobe: Hi, I’m Liz and play Princess Tobe, a tiefling warlock.

GM: And I’m Nina, your host and gamemaster for the evening, and I play, well, just about everyone else.

[Intro music continues]

Princess Mhurren, Princess Scraw and Princess Tobe {laughs}, you find yourselves in one of the most ornate bedchambers you’ve ever seen. Still drowsy from being awoken before the sun is even up, you are standing before a very, very tearful princess. Her name is Princess Maricara.

Scraw: What does she look like?

GM: She is a tiefling. She has really, really, deep, beautiful, emerald violet skin, really long, pink hair and she has the biggest eyes but you would never know, because they’re full of tears at the moment and she won’t stop sobbing.

Scraw: “Um, are you okay?!” Scraw’s looking around at the room. “This is new. Uh, Tobe. Help.”

Tobe: “Mmm, uh, D-, I, I, how much did we drink? Were we drinking? How much did we drink? What did we drink?”

Scraw: “I blame Mhurren.”


Scraw: “He clearly is the instigator here.”

GM: Mhurren?

Mhurren: “{stutters} You were drunk.”

Scraw: “I just …”

Mhurren: “What’s going on?”

Princess Maricara: “{exaggerated and hysterical crying sounds}”

Scraw: “Who upset her? Was it you? Miss?”

GM: And she just won’t stop crying.

Scraw: “Uh, hello?

Princess Maricara: “Uh …”

Scraw: “Are, are you okay?”

Princess Maricara: “{crying} D-, d-, do I look okay? {sobbing}”

Scraw: “No, um …”

Tobe: “It’s the polite thing to ask, usually. {laughs}”

GM: So, you aren’t in a bed, you are basically standing before her in your PJs.

Scraw: “Um, I’m not really sure why we’re here, but you seem upset. Can … Would you like a hug?”


Scraw: And he puts his arms out, big outstretched arms. Do I know this person?

GM: That’s … Not directly. She embraces the hug. She definitely needs it, and her sobbing slows down a little bit.

Scraw: Scraw wraps his arms all the way around and she’s probably quite small compared to him, so he’s touching his own back.

GM: Her whimpering slows down.

Scraw: Scraw’s looking at Tobe like, “What the fuck?”

Tobe: Tobe is shrugging back, but also looking around for tissues in the room that he could offer for the princess to dry her eyes and wipe her face with.

GM: There might be some on the side of her bedside table. But, it’s okay. I think, at the moment, Scraw’s fur is just absorbing the tears right now.

Scraw: “Look, whatever we did, I’m really sorry.”

Princess Maricara: “No, no, no.” And she pulls away from Scraw a little bit. “Y-You haven’t done anything wrong. That, that’s not why you’re here.”

Tobe: “Why are we here?”

Mhurren: “Um, are you all right, miss?”

Princess Maricara: “Well, well, well, no. That, that’s, that’s why you’re here, because I’m not okay. {exasperated} Y- you have to help me. And, I, I, I know you’ don’t owe me anything and I know you don’t know me very well yet, but, but, and, you have to help me.”

Scraw: “We do like to help people.”

Princess Maricara: “Well, well, good. That, that’s, that’s why I called you, ’cause I need your help.”

Scraw: “We are the Scales of wh-, wh-, where’s the?” And Scraw turns to Tobe and Mhurren and he’s like, “Where’s everyone else?”

Tobe: “{I don’t know sound}. It’s just us.”

Scraw: “We, we must have really drunk a lot.”

Mhurren: “I don’t know what’s going on. {laughs}”

Scraw: “Um, yes, uh, we are some of the Scales of Justice.”

Tobe: I’m face palming already{laughs}

Scraw: “We will help you with you problems.”

Mhurren: I slowly raise my hand. “I- I think I may still need a drink.”

Princess Maricara: “{indignant} W-, y-you can have a drink later. I, ugh, I, you, just, ugh, okay.”

Scraw: “My name’s Scraw. It’s nice to meet you.”

Princess Maricara: “I already know who you are, but, ni-nice to meet …”

Scraw: “I don’t know who you are,” puts his arm out.

Princess Maricara: “Maricara. My name is Maricara. We, we, we met at, at the, the, the pre-wedding dinner last night.”

Scraw: “Ohhhhhhhhhh,” and he looks at Tobe and Mhurren. “Drinking. Pre-wedding. Of course. I’m very sorry if we got a little bit rowdy.”

Princess Maricara: “No, no. Y-you haven’t done anything. It, it’s, ugh, uh, {tremulous} I haven’t called you here you’re in trouble or you’ve done anything wrong. I called you here because, okay, so, you know Myx right?”

Scraw: “Well, yes, of course. She’s one of the Scales of Justice. Tobe is a good friend of, of Myx.”

Tobe: “Y-, y-, yeah. Wha-what does this have to do with Myx?”

Princess Maricara: “Okay, so, I can see that you’re probably really hungover and you might not remember …”


Princess Maricara: “… last night very well, but Myx is my …”

Mhurren: “Absolutely not.”

Princess Maricara: “Myx is my, my groom. And, and …”

Tobe: “{incredulous} Eh, what? Uh?”

Princess Maricara: “My groom is missing.”

Tobe: {stutters}

Mhurren: “Hmmm …”

Scraw: “Tobe, what’s a broom?”

Tobe: “S-she said groom. It’s …”

Scraw: “But, {confused} you’re saying Myx is missing?”

Princess Maricara: “Prince Myx is missing and you have to find …

Tobe: “P-Prince Myx?!”

Princess Maricara: “Yes. Y-you are princesses. Myx is a prince. Prince Myx is my groom and we’re supposed to get married today and I, I can’t find her anywhere.”

Tobe: “Well, okay …”

Scraw: “Well … Where, where did … What?!”

Tobe: “First off like … {laughs} Okay. Well, what, first off, if you’re supposed to get married today, you’re not supposed to see the groom before the wedding.”

Princess Maricara: “Well, of course not, but my mother informed me when that when she went to go check on Myx this morning to make sure everything was okay, that sh-sh-she was gone.”

Tobe: “That’s …”

Scraw: “Well, we need to find her. She’s, she’s a very good friend of ours.”

Tobe: “Yeah, I’m kind of concerned.”

Scraw: “And we are princesses. We must take action!”

Princess Maricara: “Yes, I mean, I, ugh, I know you don’t owe me anything, but I was hoping that with me and Myx being together that we, we could get to know each other better.”

Scraw: “If Myx is missing, we need to help, Tobe.”

Tobe: “Yes, yes.”

Scraw: “Yes. Mhurren?”

Mhurren: “A, a friend of Myx’s is a friend of ours, I should say. And, also, do you have an open bar?”

{everyone laughs}

Scraw: ” I think it’s quite clear from our state that, that’s definitely the case.”

Princess Maricara: “If the wedding goes as planned…”

Mhurren: “That would make sense.”

Princess Maricara: ” … and you find Myx, there is an open bar waiting for you.”

Scraw: “I mean, you had me at Myx is missing, but that sounds great.”


Mhurren: “But, of course, we should prioritize the finding Myx first.”

Tobe: “We should … yes. We should find my best friend first. Where was the last place that Myx was seen?”

Scraw: “Tobe.”

Tobe: “Yes?”

Scraw: “Where’s Oz?”

Tobe: “I don’t know.”

Scraw: “You should, you should summon him.”

Tobe: “Okay. I think …”

Scraw: “I think you probably dismissed him last night so he didn’t get involved in our revvvvvvvvvvvelry, but …”

Mhurren: “But, wait, wait, wait, what do …”

Tobe: “I’m not sure he can get drunk.”

Mhurren: “Can ravens get drunk?”

Tobe: “No.”

Scraw: “You probably just didn’t want him in your head as my guess. But, if we’re looking for someone, a bird would be very helpful.”

Tobe: “Yes.”

Princess Maricara: “It’s all well and good that you think a bird might be helpful, but if he wasn’t there last night, how, how would he know where Myx is? I left Myx last night with you guys.”

Tobe: “Oh…”

Princess Maricara: “Last I saw she, she was drinking and being happy and I went to bed ’cause I was tired and {sobs}.”

Scraw: “Oh, oh, oh …”

Tobe: “{gently} Oh, shhh …


Tobe: “We’re …”

Scraw: “I’m sure we can …”

GM: The last time you saw Myx was when you, as part of the groom’s family, were all sitting at table together around 1:00 in the morning. You remember getting up to go entice one of the guards into drinking more with you because everyone else had had quite enough. So, the last time you saw Myx was at the table.

Mhurren: At 1:00AM. And what did she look like she was up to? Did she look like she was ready to go to bed or did she look like she was still wanting to drink and party?

GM: Oh, she definitely looked like she still wanted to party. This is a huge day for her.

Mhurren: Yeah of course.

GM: This is nerve inducing, terrified, what am I doing, what is my life? She was still going at that time.”

Scraw: “Well, she’s probably just still partying. Maybe your mother just should have looked in the dining room instead of the bedroom.”

Princess Maricara: “Well, well, no. My, m-my mother sent servants and, to look all over, all over the castle and no. {stutters} not, not here.”

Scraw: “Okay. Well, I think Tobe should get his bird and the bird can search the grounds whilst we ask {snaps fingers} that guard that I spoke to. I bet he will remember something.”

Princess Maricara: “Uh, sure.”

Tobe: “Do you remember which guard it was? {laughs}”

Mhurren: “And possibly we could ask the servers at the open bar, yes?”


Scraw: “Yes. Mhurren?”

Mhurren: “Yes?”

Scraw: “I suggest that we split up. You go talk to the servants, because someone must have seen her leave the dining hall. She’s the groom-to-be. I don’t know these things. I … This is the first wedding I’ve ever been to! It’s very exciting.”

Tobe: While Scraw’s going on, I am resummoning Oz.

[Oz Cawing]

GM: Princess Maricara just looks in wonder as she’s never actually seen a bird be summoned before and she knows that Myx is a warlock, naturally and she does know that Tobe’s a warlock, but has just never seen anything like this yet.

Tobe: Ah, she’s hasn’t met Darconius yet. {laughs}

GM: No. That’s a wedding night surprise.

Tobe: Oh.


Scraw: That’s some kind of bedroom activity.

Tobe: That was a … Wow. Okay, moving swiftly on. {laughs}

Scraw: “Well, I think I should go, Princess Marikurerara. Did you think of anyone we should talk to?”

Princess Maricara: “Well, I think, my, my mother’s of no use right now. Sh-she kind of locked herself away when she figured out that, that Myx wasn’t anywhere to be found and, sh-she won’t talk to anyone until we find her.”

Scraw: “That sounds really unhelpful.”

Princess Maricara: “You could try Myx’s father, the, the King. I think he’s downstairs in the kitchen. So, maybe he might be, you could talk to him at the same time as, as the barmen.”

Scraw: “I think I’m going to go find that guard that I was drinking with because I think he probably knows more. That, that’s what I’m going to do.”

Princess Maricara: “Um, oh, oh, do, do you know what he looked like? Do you, kn-, uh?”

Scraw: I’m pretty sure I remember what he looks like. ”You guys. Use your heads. You should talk to people and I’m going to go to that guard guy.” And Scraw wanders off into the castle.

Princess Maricara: “Thank you. I promise that the bar will be waiting for you.”

Tobe: “Yeah, maybe no {laughs} on the bar. {laughs}”

Princess Maricara: “So long as it’s after you find Myx.”

Mhurren: I’ll take that as my cue and I’ll go …


Mhurren: … down to the bar area and try and find some servers to talk to.

Princess Maricara: Seeing as Tobe is the last one in the room, Maricara walks up right in front of him like very close, but doesn’t actually touch him because she actually knows better. But, she looks at him with her big, big, big purple eyes. “Y-you’re Myx’s best friend. You, ugh, you have to find her.”

Tobe: “Of, of course. I’m going to do everything I can to find her.” I, I’ve actually started like walking out of the room so I can take Oz outside and get him to scan from above, see if if he can find anything.

Princess Maricara: “Well, well, thank you and I, I know that the other two seemed to be quite content with alcohol, but if, if you can think of something you’d like as a reward, then, then tell me and I will make it happen.”

Tobe: “I think having my best friend back would be enough of a reward for me.”

GM: Maricara just, she tears up a little bit because she thinks that’s so sweet and she can’t help herself and she hugs Tobe.

Tobe: “Ngh, oh-kay.”

Princess Maricara: “{cries and stutters} “Just, t-th-thank you, thank you.” And she quickly pulls away.

Scraw: Scraw comes charging back ’round the corner …


Scraw: … towards you guys. Before Mhurren has a chance to disappear out of the corridor, stops seeing Maricara hugging Tobe and goes, {shouting} “Well, when you’re finished, maybe when we’re done, we should meet outside the front door.”

Tobe: “Okay.”

Scraw: “See you in a few minutes, probably.”

Tobe: “I am not filled with confidence by that probably.”

Scraw: He’s already gone.

Tobe: {frustrated sound}

Princess Maricara: “If that’s your plan, I-I-I will compose myself and I will wait downstairs for … I’ll, I’ll, I’ll quickly get ready, but I will wait downstairs so that if you have any other questions before I will, I will wait there for you guys.”

Scraw: Scraw rushes back again. “Should we change out of our pajamas?!”

Tobe: “That might be …”

GM: Once Tobe and everyone else is out of the room, she closes her door and throws on one of her everyday princess outfits rather than her elegant gown that was hanging by her bedside.

Scraw: Scraw goes back to his room and discovers that his usual plain, linen pants have been replaced with fancy harem pants that are shimmery blue.

Tobe: {laughs} What?

Scraw: But they are perfectly form fitting and still allow for freedom of movement. He assumes another concession for the wedding and is just like, “All right,” puts that on and also takes his glaive and puts it in position in the strap that he uses to hold it onto his back to make sure, just in case. You know, it’s a formal thing. He doesn’t like to be without his weapon where possible.

So, Scraw is now wearing bright blue, shimmery, harem pants.

Tobe: I see fanart in the near, near future.

Scraw: I think we should all have wedding outfits, is what I’m saying.

GM: Tobe and Mhurren, if you can think of something that you would wear to Myx’s wedding, then by all means …

Mhurren: Green with gold trimmed cloak, off-shoulder kind of thing, that drapes over the side.

GM: Ooh, I like it.

Tobe: I’m gonna shock everybody and tell you that it’s purple and silver, long, twin-tailed coat on over the top and everything is just silver and purple, shocking absolutely no one that he is wearing fucking purple and possibly nicer boots.

GM: Mhurren, let’s follow you first.

Mhurren: I guess I went back to my room and to pack my things before I set off. I’ll head my way towards the hall.

GM: This, this is a really big castle and there are a lot of different halls. There’s lots of different guards. There’s lots of different staff running back and forth. Not everyone is aware that Myx is missing, so, normal, pre-wedding preparations are still taking place.

Mhurren: So, I don’t recall where the hall may be?

GM: No, you have no idea.

Mhurren: Can I see if I can find a guard, someone who’s just not running around?

GM: There’s definitely a fair set of guards also overseeing the preparations, just in case anyone tries anything funny. We’ll say that there are a total of four guards on this floor.

Mhurren: I’ll just approach one of them. “Good day.”

GM: He’s exhausted, but you can only tell because he’s schlumping and a guard shouldn’t schlump. He is 7 foot tall and he’s quite bulky, but he’s definitely slouched against the wall a little bit and you’re not entirely sure whether or not you can hear some snoring.

Mhurren: I just approach slowly. “Uh, uh, excuse me?”

Guard #1: “{weirdly adorable sleeping noises}”

Mhurren: “Hello?”

Guard #1: {sleep noises continue}

Mhurren: I approach a bit closer and I knock the side of t-the, the helmet.

[Metal dings]

Guard #1: “{Sleep sound is interrupted as guard yells}”


Guard #1: “What? What? {stammers in confusion}”

Mhurren: I-I’m sorry.

Guard #1: “Who are, who are you?”

Mhurren: “I, um, I, I.”

Guard #1: “I, I-I wasn’t sleeping. What? What? What do you want?”

Mhurren: “N-No. You absolutely not. You were not. You were quite attentive. Um, I, sorry, I didn’t mean to trouble you. I, I seem to have gotten lost. Could you point me in the direction of the, um, the, the bar?”

Guard #1: “Which one? The, there are several bars in this castle, and, and especially in preparation for the, the wedding. I mean, we, we, we have pop-up bars. I do … Which one?”

Mhurren: “The, the, the main hall.”

Guard #1: “Oh, right, of course.”

Mhurren: “Where the reception was. I seem to have gotten lost. I apologize.”

Guard #1: “N-n-no, no. T-that’s quite all right. I can tell you’re, you’re not one of the castle’s regulars. So, no. I-it’s absolutely fine. So, you see where that woman carrying the flowers going, that room she’s going into?”

Mhurren: “Ah, yes.”

Guard #1: “Yes. If you go into that same room, there are quite a few people in there, but there is a stairwell that takes you right down into the main hall.”

Mhurren: “Ah, that’s perfect. Thank you very much.”

Guard #1: “You’re welcome and I, I would appreciate you not mentioning this to anyone, of course.”

Mhurren: “I, {stammers}, what? Mention what? I don’t know of anything. Um, I, I’ll leave to your, to tend to your duties. Good day.”

Guard #1: “Good day, sir.”

Mhurren: I do a curtsy and then I leave.

GM: He taps his chest.

Mhurren: Okay, so I go and follow the … someone with the flowers?

GM: This is a high traffic room. There are little appetizers flying because one of the waiters just tripped over the rug. There are flowers being changed left, right and center. There are chairs being carried around. It’s chaos in this room.

Mhurren: I’m tucking my arms in, {laughs} trying not to bump into anything or anyone.

GM: Once you enter, towards the left corner, there is a doorway to a stairwell.

Mhurren: I shall attempt to exit that doorway and follow the stairwell. Still avoiding things.

GM: There’s food flying, because people are falling and tripping and not knowing what they’re doing with themselves. And you manage to catch, in midair, the tiniest little cream puff, which otherwise would have landed directly into one of the other servant’s noses. You get a snack. Here’s your breakfast.

Mhurren: Oh, sweet. {laughs} So, I have a snack. I’m going to gobble that right down. {laughs} as I exit and follow the stairwell.

GM: Tobe.

Tobe: So, after getting dressed, I went to find, well, hopefully find, the quickest route outside. I approach a guard. “Um, excuse me.” {laughs}

Guard #2: “Hi there.”

Tobe: “This is probably going to sound like a very odd question, but I don’t quite have my bearings in this place. Could you point me to how I would find my way outside?”

Guard #2: “Why would you want to leave when the wedding is happening?”

Tobe: “I’m looking for someone and I’m going to use my friend here,” and I indicate to Oz, “to try and find them.”

Guard #2: “Yeah, oh, absolutely. There’s a stairwell all the way down on the other end of the hall.”

Tobe: “Right. Do I just, do I just follow that down?”

Guard #2: “Yes.”

Tobe: “Okay {laughs}.” Mentally cursing myself that that probably would have been the most obvious choice.


Guard #2: “It happens. I mean, I, everyone had a, a fabulous time last night and I, I don’t people for not knowing where they are. Um, yeah, if you just take those stairs down for 5 flights of stairs down, that will take you onto the bottom floor and you should quite easily find your way out.”

Tobe: “Okay, thank you very much.” I walk off and follow his directions down the stairs.

GM: Once you’re on the ground floor, it’s pretty easy to tell where’s the outside. There’s a giant, giant entryway. So, the doors are open at the moment. There are plenty of guards outside, so, it’s not that anyone can go in or out, but if you’re already in the castle, then no one’s going to stop you from leaving, so …

Tobe: I leave through the doors and wait until I’m a, a few feet before turning Oz. “Look, Oz. Myx is missing and I need you to do a perimeter around the castle to see if you can find her for me.”

Oz: “Sure, Tobe! Where do you want me to go?”

Tobe: “Uh, just a perimeter around the grounds.”

Oz: “Sure!”


Oz: “Do you what, do you know what she was wearing?”

GM: Myx was wearing a very, very, very sparkly tunic at the party last night. She was quite well dressed but very relaxed well dressed and very sparkly purple and turquoise vest.

Tobe: “Okay, Oz. She wasn’t wearing her usual cloak. She was in a very, like, sparkly tunic thing. It was purple and turquoise.”

Oz: “This should be easy. Ravens are very good at finding sparkly things. Caw!”

Tobe: “Yeah, just don’t go for like random sparkly people, okay?”

Oz: “I’ll do my best.”

Tobe: I, I let him go, the way a falconer lets a bird go.

GM: Scraw.

Scraw: I go find my guard friend and I, of course, remember the way around the castle because …

GM: Yes, yes you do.

Scraw: … I have already remembered. I’m just charging around the corridor and running up to every guard I see and looking them in the eye and going, “Nope! Hmmmmmmmm, nope!”

[Running footsteps]

Scraw: “Huh, uhhhh, a hah!”

Guard #3: “Oh, no.”

Scraw: “Where’s Myx?”

Guard #3: “{stammers}, it’s you.”

Scraw: “Did you see her leave last night?”

Guard #3: “{stammers} May-maybe?”

Scraw: “I am very angry right now and {shouting} YOU SHOULD TELL ME WHERE IS MYX!”

GM: This guard is oddly scared of Scraw even though he’s a guard. He, he should have no reason to be scared of a bugbear.

Scraw: Scraw is being very intentionally intimidating.

Guard #3: I’m imagining Scraw with bristles, hair up in its end, puffed up and … “Wha-, well, uh, the last thing I remember, um, I think, I, Myx stepped out at some point late in the night. Um, it, it …”

Scraw: “And you just let her?”

Guard #3: “I mean, the-the …”

Scraw:“{shouting} UNGUARDED?!”

Guard #3: “It’s Myx. How much guarding did she need?”

Scraw: “SHE IS ROYALTY! And you let her leave the castle without an aid or a guard?”

Guard #3: “But, she was still on castle grounds. She was just …”



Guard #3: “No please, no!”


GM:Guard #3: The guard just drops down to the floor and is hugging Scraw’s knees. Like, “Please don’t. Please don’t.”

Scraw: “Answer my questions and we may not have to resort to such measures.”

Guard #3: Still, still clinging to the legs, looking up at Scraw, being like, “Uh, y-you said what time?”

Scraw: “Uh-huh {affirmative}.”

Guard #3: “Uh, it, it had to have been, uh, after 2:00 in the morning. I, I mean …”

Scraw: “And she was alone?”

Guard #3: “There was still quite a few people around. There, there were, um …”

Scraw: “I mean, did she left alone?”

Guard #3: “Uh, yeah. Uh, uh, she, she looked like she was just going for some fresh air, that’s it.”

Scraw: “Did she seem upset?”

Guard #3: “No! Seemed perfectly fine.”

Scraw: “Was she talking anybody before she left?!”

Guard #3: “Uh, you guys.”

Scraw: “Well, she wasn’t talking to me. I was talking to you. We were drinking. {shouting} DON’T YOU LIE TO ME!”


GM:Guard #3: And he bu-buries his head in Scraw’s legs, “{scared} {stammers} She was at the table and she looked like she got up to get some air, and, and went outside to the castle ground gardens.”

Scraw: “Well, who was running the night watch outside?”


Tobe: Oh, God.

Guard #3: “I don’t know.”

Scraw: “How can you not kn- Who, who is your boss person? Who is your sergeant? Your commander?”


Guard #3: “The commander is with the king because today is a royal wedding and …”

Scraw: “Well, at least somebody’s guarding the royals.” And he just leaves.


GM: Because the guard was still holding onto Scraw’s knees, he just clank falls forward onto the ground and is thankful that Scraw didn’t pummel him.

Scraw: Well, he had no intention of hurting him.

Tobe: He doesn’t know that.

Scraw: So, Scraw heads down to the front doors of the building to wait for his friends and Princess Mirababakalababa.

Mhurren: Maricara.

GM: Maricara, yeah.

Scraw: That’s what I said.

GM: {laughs}

Scraw: Americana.


[Gentle music]

Narrator: Hey there, friend. You look like you need a coffee. Why don’t you take a quick moment to settle down, throw the kettle on, get yourself a hot steamy brew, and in the meantime, here’s something just a little bit different.

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GM: So, Mhurren, you just got out of the stairwell. You still have a little bit of cream puff on your upper lip and you seem quite content with yourself. You are in the main hall. It’s a massive, massive room. And, currently it’s being prepped for the post-wedding reception. So, tables are laid out. The bar staff are on site cleaning glasses, making table placements happen and making sure they’re well stocked with bottles of any alcohol you can name under the sun.


Mhurren: Can I spot the main bar area?

GM: You can very easily spot the main bar’s area, because it’s the biggest. It’s central, at the back of the room, because that’s also where the entrance to one of the kitchens goes.

Mhurren: I’ll try and grab the attention of someone behind the bar who doesn’t seem as busy. {laughs} I’ll just stand awkwardly at the bar, “um”, raise my hand, “‘scuse me. Hello?”

GM:Hostess: There is a woman behind the bar, currently furiously making notes. And she takes a moment to look up at you, “Can I help you?”

Mhurren: “Yes, I seem to have lost a friend. I was wondering if you could help me.”

Hostess: “Uh, I, I’m, I’m a little busy trying to…table placements, do you … ?”

Mhurren: “Oh, she’s a very important friend. You would be doing me a huge favor.”

Hostess: “Right. W-What did, what did this friend look like and …?”

Mhurren: “Um, also, uh, were you here last night?”

Hostess: “I was actually. I-I was, I was here quite late into the night.”

Mhurren: “Do you recall us? Were we with, uh, the groom?”

Hostess: “Hon, there were a lot of people with the groom. Be more specific.”

Mhurren: “Do you recall the groom leaving at any point?”

Hostess: “That I wouldn’t know. I mean, I, I, I have the placements. I mean, you, you guys had a table. You had a good portion for the room to yourselves. But I- I’m sorry. I don’t remember the groom leaving at any point. I mean, I,” and as she’s talking to Mhurren, she’s still scribbling in her book, trying to make sure that enemy cousins aren’t sitting next to each other and the like. “I-I assume she went to bed.”

Mhurren: “Uh, and you said our table placements were where?”

Hostess: She flips through her notebook because that would have been a couple of pages back after, eh, quite a few revisions and stuff, and she points towards, it’s actually the furthest table in this room that’s closest to the entryway. She actually points {laughs} at one of the guards that’s very close to there as well. “That, that table over there. You see, the, the one in that far corner where. That’s where you were seated.”

Mhurren: “Ah, yes.”

Hostess: “And, I mean, don’t get me wrong, I mean, the, the-there were a lot of people here. I-it may well have been that during the course of the evening, the prince got up and said hi, uh, hi to other people or sat with other people, but that’s where you were placed. And, if anyone had gotten up, uh, for any reason, I don’t doubt for a second that that guard, right there, would know more than I do.”

Mhurren: “I should definitely ask that guard over there. Thank you very much. You have been incredibly helpful.”

Tobe: Just throwing their colleague under the bus. {laughs}

Hostess: “You’re welcome. Now, if there’s not anything else that’s important, leave me alone. Thank you.”


Mhurren: “Yep, that is all, thank you.”

GM: Scribbling in her book, trying to get things sorted.

Mhurren: Scurry over to the guard then?

GM: This guard is, first off, he’s not standing. You came by his post because that’s where the barmaid pointed to in the direction of, but he’s kind of sitting down,uh, holding his knees.

Mhurren: Holding his knees?

GM: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Not quite rocking back and forth, but …

Mhurren: I’ll approach, “{clears throat} Uh, ‘scuse me. Sorry to bother you. Uh …”

Guard #3: “{stammers} What do you want? Y-You’re, you’re not with him, are you?”

Mhurren: “I, I don’t mean to pry you f-from your duties. Uh, what, uh, um, I’m sorry. Uh, I, I’m sorry, you’re looking for whom?”

Guard #3: “Who, what do you, what do you want? I-I’ve already gone through enough trouble today.”

Mhurren: “Okay, well I, I really wouldn’t want to trouble you any further except that, um, I’m looking for a friend and, um …”

Guard #3: The guard looks up at you and squints a little bit. “You look familiar.”

Mhurren: “Yes, uh, I was here with the groom last night.”

Guard #3: “You were here with that hairy beast!”

Mhurren: “The hairy beast? Do you mean Scraw?”

Guard #3: “I don’t know his name.”

Mhurren: “He’s a bugbear.”

Guard #3: “Yes. The bugbear.”

Mhurren: “Um, yes, uh, my friend, um, did you see the groom last night spend a great deal time drinking at losing our bearings?”

Guard #3: “Loo-, look, look. L-let me just, just stop you. Your, your friend already interrogated me on this and I, I don’t know anything more. I, I, I told your friend what I knew.”

Mhurren: “Oh, I’m, I’m sorry. I don’t mean the bugbear. I mean Myx, the groom.”

Guard #3: “Well, uh, that, that’s what the bugbear a-asked me about.”

Mhurren: “Oh, right. I do apologize. Please, accept my formal apology on behalf of my friend.”

Guard #3: “So, he didn’t tell you purposefully?”

Mhurren: “Uh, n-no.”

Guard #3: Now in your face, almost nose to nose, squinting and …

Mhurren: I back off a little bit, put my hand up and try and ease him like, “No, please. We, we are genuinely worried for our friend, Myx.”

Guard #3: “Um, right, so, I, I will tell you because, uh, uh, you, you are right. Myx needs to be found.”

Mhurren: “Yes.”

Guard #3: “Last night, it had to have been roughly a little bit around 2:00 in the morning, uh, I saw Myx go outside, saw Myx go towards the gardens. Looked fine. Just towards the gardens.”

Mhurren: “Did she go alone?”

Guard #3: “Yes. As far as I know.”

Mhurren: “Did anyone go with her?”

Guard #3: “Nope. I told this to your friend, but, uh, it looked like Myx went out just for some fresh air.”

Mhurren: “W-were you posted here, and y-you didn’t see her return?”

Guard #3: “No. By the time I was shortly switched out for someone else after that, so no. I definitely didn’t see her coming back.”

Mhurren: “Uh, thank you, friend, for you time.” I’ll head outside, go out the main entrance.

GM: You join up with Scraw at that point and we will come back to Tobe who was waiting for Oz to come back.

Oz: “I saw everything!”


Tobe: Oh, my god.

GM: Oz comes back with Myx’s sparkly tunic.

Oz: “Wherever Myx is, she’s naked. I found this!”

GM: But, more importantly …

Oz: “A little girl was wearing the tunic. I took it from her!”

GM: Oz wrestled with this, she had to have been like 6 or 7, she was very young.

Oz: “She was really small. That’s fine, though. I got it back. I think it’s Myx’s. It smells like her.”

Tobe: “Uh, Oz, can, can you tell … “

Oz: “That little girl was nothing to me!”


Tobe: Oh, god, when did Oz become a megalomaniac?


Ray: I’m going to assume Oz didn’t actually take the tunic. He probably just saw it on the little girl and came back.

Oz: “There’s a little girl over there! She’s wearing Myx’s tunic. Follow me! I’ll show you where she is.”

Tobe: I follow Oz to the little girl.

GM: Do you want to go right to the little little girl or are you going to catch up with everyone first?

Tobe: Nope, I’m going to be an inconsiderate asshole and go to the little girl.

GM: Oz leads you. This little girl is sitting at the very edge of the labyrinth by one of the fountains, just sitting on the ground, playing with her little doll made out of straw, bouncing back and forth, ’cause she’s really sparkly at the moment and she’s really happy about the fact that she’s really sparkly.

Tobe: As soon as I have sight of this child, I stop running because the last thing I want to do is run up to a child and frighten them, so I slow down, approach cautiously, because Tobe doesn’t know this child and anything could happen. “Um, hi there.”

Princess Dax: “Hello!”

Tobe: “Um, this is probably gonna sound like a strange question but that tunic looks very familiar to me, can you tell me where you got it?”

Princess Dax: “Ooh, do you like it? I found it! And it fits me so good!” She shimmies a little bit just because the sunlight catches on it and it makes it extra sparkly.

Tobe: I actually smile, genuinely. “Yes, it’s, it’s very pretty. Could you show me where you found it?”

Princess Dax:GM: “Oh, sure. Y-you see, um,” she points a little bit further out at the, the very entrance of the garden, there are two wooden posts. Once you leave that point, you get onto neutral territory that doesn’t actually belong to the palace. “Yeah, so, this really beautiful tunic was, was found. It was just, um, hanging off of the wooden pole there. And no one was around and, and, I-I mean, if it’s yours, I-I’ll give it back to you, but, but, um, I, I, it was really shiny and I like it.”

Tobe: “No, no. You’re fine. You can keep hold of it. It’s just that it belongs to my friend who I’m looking for, but you said that no one was around, you haven’t seen her?”

Princess Dax: “Uh, what does your friend look like?”

Tobe: “Um.”

Princess Dax: “Oh, is she a tiefling like you? And me?”

Tobe: “No, she looks like an Aasimar and she’s got long, purplish, silver hair.”

Princess Dax: “{gasps}. Do you mean Myx”

Tobe: “Yes, yes, that’s exactly who I mean.”

Princess Dax: “Oh, oh! Uh, Princess Maricara, she, she’s, she’s my auntie and, and, oh! P-Prince Myx, oh! Oh, wait. Myx is missing?”

Tobe: “Uh, she’s just temporarily misplaced.”

Princess Dax: “Oh, no.”

Tobe: “But, but I’m gonna find her, and, uh, she was wearing this tunic that you found, so I’m hoping that by going to where you found it, I might find a clue as to where Prince Myx has gone.”

Princess Dax: “Well, I, I wish I could help. And, ooh, ooh! Maybe I can! Um, some of my other cousins, um, y-you know what, we, we, we’re so small and you know, we, sometimes we see things and I can ask around for you?”

Tobe: “Uh, that would be fantastic.”

Princess Dax: “Okay! Um, well, um, uh, if you give me like, uh, mmm, give me like 15 minutes or um, yeah. I’ll, I’ll ask some of my cousins and see if, if they saw anything. Where should I find you then?”

Tobe: “You know what? I’ll wait here for you. I think that would be best, because then you won’t have to come and find me. I’ll just be right here.”

Princess Dax: “Okay, great! Oh, what’s your name?”

Tobe: “I’m Tobe.”

Princess Dax: “Nice to meet you, Tobe.” And she extends her tiny little, tiny little, cutesy tiefling hand, still with some, some little chub on it.

Tobe: I crouch down so that I’m on the same level as her and shake her hand. “Nice to meet you. Uh, what’s, what’s your name?”

GM: Her name is Princess Dax.

Tobe: “Princess Dax, I’ll wait here for you.”

Princess Dax:GM: “Uh, okay, great. Um, I’ll be back soon, Tobe.” And she rushes off and waves and she goes off to try and gather some intel for you.

Tobe: “Uh, Oz?”

Oz: “Caw!”

Tobe: “Can you look for Scraw and Mhurren, whichever one you find first. Bring them here, please.”

Oz: “Yeah, sure. I’ll do my best!”

Tobe: “Thanks.” And I just sit down on the edge of the fountain and wait. {laughs}

GM: Scraw.

Scraw: I’m waiting by the door when Mhurren makes his way back, having just met the guard that I spoke with.

Mhurren: Yeah, I assume we’re both there now.

Scraw: And, I’m pacing back and forth and I see Mhurren. “Mhurren! I’ve been waiting forever. Look! I, I don’t think Tobe’s going to be here. I’m tired of waiting. I think we need to go and speak to the commander and the king, because I think they know something and that’s what I’m going to do. Do you want to go with me?”

Mhurren: “Um, well, I spoke to a guard, um …”

Scraw: “Yes, he told me to speak to the commander.”


Mhurren: “Right. But the guard did say that, uh, Myx had, uh, walked out.”

Scraw: “Yes, he did. And then he said …”

Mhurren: “To a point …”

Scraw: “He didn’t know who was running the night shift guard. He doesn’t even know who he swapped shifts with. So, the only person that I can think of that would know, would be the commander, and he said the commander was with the King, because today’s the wedding day. And so, I’m thinking we should go to the King and ask him politely …”


Scraw: “… for information about the guard shifts.”

Mhurren: “Well, I think what would be more pertinent is if we went …”

Scraw: “Whelp, that’s what I’m going to do.”


Mhurren: “… outside. Wait!”

Scraw: Scraw turns to the nearest guard, “{yells} WHERE’S YOUR COMMANDER?!”


Mhurren: Is it the same guard?

GM: No, the guard you spoke to is still semi hiding out.

Tobe: Whoever can protect him from the scary bugbear. {laughs}

Scraw: I want to quickly get to the King and commander so I can talk to them.

Mhurren: “Um, well, I’ll, I’ll just stay here. We said we would wait here, but Tobe hasn’t returned yet.”

Scraw: “But Tobe’s not here.”

GM: And before anyone does anything more, you hear some very faint but familiar cawing in the air.

[Oz cawing]

GM: Mhurren, you look up and you see Oz.

[Oz cawing]

Scraw: “Maybe we should follow it.”

Mhurren: “Yes, I think that’s what it wants us to do.”

GM: Oz reunites the three of you.

Scraw: “Tobe, Oz brought us here. Why are you here?”

Tobe: “I’m here because …”

Scraw: “Where’s the princess?”

Tobe: “{exasperated sigh} I don’t know. I’m out here looking for Myx.”

Scraw: “{scoffs}”

Mhurren: “Did you find anything, Tobe?”

Tobe: “Um, yeah, Oz, uh, found this little girl who was wearing Mxy’s tunic.”

Scraw: “And where is she?”

Tobe: “Um, she’s gone to ask the other, uh, children in the castle if they’ve seen Myx, but she told me that she found Mxy’s tunic hanging on one of those wooden posts over there, just, just hanging there and there was no one else around.”

Scraw: “Hmm.”

Tobe: “So, I think like …”

Scraw: “I’m going to go look at the post then.”

Tobe: “Yeah, be my guest. I’m, I said I’d wait here for the little girl.”

Scraw: Uh, Scraw’s just going to go over to the posts and see if he can see anything of interest, see if he can find any tracks.

GM: Yeah, you see tracks, but you see a lot of tracks. They go away from the castle, far away from the looks of it.

Scraw: Are these tracks that are going away from the castle in isolation or are they multiple footsteps that are going that way?

GM: There are multiple footsteps, but at some point, you, as you’re following it a, a little bit …

Scraw: So, you guys watch as I start walking out of the castle, away from it, past the posts, and out of the gardens.

GM: There’s a main path. You’re seeing multiple sets of footprints, but at some point, you see one pair of footprints move away. So they’re going into, deviating from the main path by quite a bit and …

Scraw: I don’t know if Mhurren or Tobe did anything about the fact that I’m following them, but at this point, Scraw’s super pissed off, because he’s been yelling at people and no one’s been telling him what he wants to hear {laughs}. So, he’s borderline raging, single-mindedly pursuing these tracks now.

Tobe: Feeling, a little bad about the fact that he said he would wait at the fountain, but he is not going to wait, ’cause Scraw obviously found something and stormed off in that direction so, follow, feeling a little bit guilty, but the little girl’s going to come back and I’m not there.

Mhurren: “Wait, Tobe. {laughs} What about the little girl?”

Tobe: “I’ll apologize later.”

Mhurren: “{sighs} Okay. Let’s follow.”

GM: Scraw is our lead tracker at the moment. The tracks change direction, and now they’re going right. You’re entering wilder territory. The grass is taller here, not as, not kept really and …

Scraw: So, it’s much easier to track now, because there’s more foliage to be broken and stuff.

GM: Yes.

Scraw: Do we see anything else? Is there any signs of struggle or bits of clothing removed?

GM: No. There are no additional bits of clothing and there is still only one set of footprints.

Mhurren: Every so often, I’m just going to shout randomly, side to side, “Myx! Myx!”

GM: As you guys are walking and shouting these things, it doesn’t look like anyone’s about, you start to see something up in the distance.

Scraw: “I think I see something down there, but, eh, it could just be the light.” Scraw is slowing down a little bit, but keeping a very close eye out because he’s trying really hard to find Myx, but also we’re in the middle of nowhere right now and I only have my glaive with me.

Mhurren: I’ll stop shouting.

Scraw: I continue following the footprints.

GM: A couple minutes later, as you’re still following these, you start seeing that you’re coming up by a river and more importantly, you’re coming up to a bridge that would help you cross the river.

Scraw: Do I still see the tracks?

GM: They die off at this point. There aren’t really …

Scraw: I’m going to stop at the area where the footprints stop and just look around for any signs of anything that’s gone into the water? “Uh, Tobe, um, I may have lost the trail.”

Mhurren: “You found-?”

Tobe: “How long ago did you lose the trail?”

Scraw: “But, just here, look, it’s … The footprints are still there, but it kind of, they, they get a bit erratic here and, um …”

Mhurren: “Well, we’re at a river and there’s a bridge.”

Scraw: “Why do you think Myx came out here?”

Tobe: “I honestly couldn’t tell you, but you know, one time she did just abandon me whilst I was meditating and didn’t leave a note or anything. So …”

Scraw: “So this is a habit kind of thing?”

Tobe: “I, I, you know, I …”

Scraw: “I really thought she was more reliable than this.”


Tobe: “Scraw. Clearly, are, are you remembering like the time she tried to make friends with a bunch of feral rats?”

GM: Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Scraw: “She is a generous heart.”


Scraw: “I will give you that. You know, mate, I bet there was a wounded kitten.”


Scraw: I want to look for a wounded kitten.

GM: Uh, you can look for a wounded kitten.

Scraw: I’m going to cross the bridge to look for the wounded kitten. I’m going to walk towards the bridge and try to cross it.

GM: You get towards a bit of the bridge where you can start crossing it.

Scraw: “Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.”

GM: Two very small but very strange looking creatures emerge from under the bridge.

Tobe: “Well, maybe she tried to make friends with those.” {laughs}

Scraw: “You are not Myx. Are either of you hurt?”

GM: They just look at you and cock their heads to the opposite side, almost like they’re mirroring each other.

Scraw: “Would you like to be?”

GM: T-They look at each other and they look at you and your knowledge isn’t super extensive, but you know the more basic.

Scraw: I recognize this creature?

GM: Yes, you do. They look so strange, they don’t look like any bridge troll you’ve seen, but t-they have to be bridge trolls.

Scraw: Mini bridge trolls. {laughs}

GM: Teacup bridge trolls.

Tobe: Oh, god. {laughs}

Scraw: “Yep, Tobe. This definitely seems like the kind of thing that Myx would be into.

Tobe: “I mean …”


Tobe: “Maybe it’s not necessary to shout at them. You could just ask.”

GM: They don’t seem afraid of Scraw. They seem very unsure and mildly curious, but they’re not afraid of him at this point.

Scraw: Did they understand what I’m saying? Did they appear to be understanding what I’m saying? I try shouting again, but in giant? “{Yelling in Giant} MYX!”

GM:Teacup Bridge Trolls: They, they just both look at you and just go, “{Shhhhh}” Giant was right, good job. Does Scraw speak giant?

Scraw: Yeah, Scraw speaks Giant.

GM: Oh, I didn’t know that.

Scraw: So, he says in Giant, “Why were you near the castle?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: They both look at each other and they look at Scraw. The one to the left says, “We not go near castle.”

Scraw: Have you seen anybody come down this way?

Teacup Bridge Trolls: The one to the right looks at you and repeats what the one on the left said, “Why we tell you?”

Scraw: “I’ll give you gold.”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: Their eyes light up, “Gold?”

Scraw: “Gold for you. You tell me who comes here.”

Teacup Bridge Trolls “Gold! Gold!” And they hold each other’s hands and start jumping up and …

Scraw: “Focus!”


GM: They ignore you. They’re doing …

Scraw: I pull out one of the gold and I show them.

Teacup Bridge Trolls:GM: “Oooooooooooooooooooh.” They just look in awe.


Scraw: “Who came here?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Uh, so-some, uh, some, some man. He, he, he, he give us gold and tell us to help him.”

Scraw: “Help how?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Uh …”

Scraw: I’m guessing neither of Mhurren or Tobe are understanding any of this.

GM: No, they have no idea what’s going on.

Tobe: No, we’re just standing there really confused and watching these two.

Mhurren: “Um, Tobe, are they bridge trolls and is Scraw paying them to dance?”

Tobe: “Uhhhhhhhhhh. Well, they’re very small for bridge trolls but I don’t know what else they’d be.”

Scraw: “Help him how?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “With, um …” The one on the left interrupts. “How much, how much gold you give us?”

Scraw: “How much information you have?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “How important it to you?”

Scraw: “How important your legs?”


Teacup Bridge Trolls: They both, in unison, take a step back. “Y-you …”

Scraw: “Me patience small.”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Clearly.”

Scraw: “You want gold? You tell me now.”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Mmm, gold, some gold now for good faith, then we tell you.”

Scraw: “Hmm. I will give you one each and I won’t break your legs, for now. And if your information is good, I will give you two more each.”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: And they look at each other and go, “Ooooh {laughs}.”

Scraw: And he, he takes out two gold and he throws one to each of them.

GM: They catch it and they, they hold it in …

Scraw: And then he pulls out his glaive.


Scraw: And holds it in front of him.

Teacup Bridge Trolls: They’re ignoring that. They are holding on each to their little bits of gold, biting it and licking it to make sure it feels and tastes right. And then once they realize this is real gold and they are getting more gold, they nuzzle up to it and they, they are so happy right now. {excitedly}”Gold! Gold! Gold!” And …

Scraw: “The information. What man? What did he want?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “OH, oh! Uh, yes!” They very carefully, almost in unison, put their pieces of gold in their respective pockets and they turn to Scraw. And the one on the left says, “Uh, there, there was a man, and, and h-h-he give us much gold and, and, uh, uh, h-he ask us to do something.” And the one on the right chimes in and is like, “Yes, yes. Asked us to do something. H-he, he came here, last night and, and, he was carrying someone.” And the one on the left says, “Yes, yes, carrying, and, and this, this, this person he brought was, was, uh, uh, n-not like us, um, and …”

Scraw: “Was she shiny?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Mmm {contemplative}.”

Scraw: “Shiny hair?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Not like gold, but shiny, yes.”

Scraw: “Silver, like in the moon.”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Ugh, {scoffs}. Silver not as good as gold, but yes.”

Scraw: “No. But was she silver?” Scraw turns to Tobe and Mhurren and says,”This is going really well, guys.”


Scraw: “I’m sorry.”

Tobe: We’re both just standing there like, “What the fuck is going on?”

Mhurren: I’m just two thumbing behind him.

Scraw: “Believe it or not, I’m a very good negotiator.”

Mhurren: Two thumbs.

Tobe: I want to insight check. Well, actually, there’s no point, because Scraw thinks he’s telling the truth.

Mhurren: “Yes, it’s a good dance!” I throw another gold, toss it right over Scraw.

Teacup Bridge Trolls: And they get so distracted, like, “{tiny excited giggles}”

Scraw: “{yelling} FOCUS!” And he turns to Mhurren and he says, “No, no, no more. No more gold, please. This is …”

GM: And the two little bridge trolls, because they always share everything …

Scraw: Scraw just rushes over, I’m gonna race them for the gold peice.


GM: Okay, um, yeah. Roll it, baby. Ah, fuck. Scraw gets the gold.

Scraw: He rushes over, grabs the gold off the ground before they can get to it and presumably they’ve run over also, so now he’s just towering over them, holding his glaive and holding the extra gold piece. “Not until you tell me what he wanted you to do.”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Oh, yeah, o-okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.”

Scraw: “Now focus.”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Okay, f-f-f-focus. Okay.” The one on the right continues. “Yes, uh, man bring, uh, this, this, lady, I think, with, with, with the shiny, the shiny hair. Um, and he bring her to us.” And the one on the left says, “Yes, yes, he give us lots of gold for this, lots of lots of gold.”

Scraw: “Did you eat her?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “NO!”


Teacup Bridge Trolls: And they both say this at the same time. They’re like, “Why would {indignant stammers}?”

Scraw: “What did he want you to do with this? What did he give you lots of gold for? I need to know. Tell me.”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Uh, he give us gold so that we take this person across the bridge and, and, and, and keep her still somewhere.”

Scraw: “Okay, what did he look like?” And then he takes out another peice of gold, including the one that Mhurren threw and he hands them directly, holding onto the coins, he {laughs} holds them out and says, “These ones are extra. What did he look like?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Ooh, ooh, ooh!” And they’re jumping up and getting really excited again.


Scraw: He doesn’t let go of the coins until they answer.

Teacup Bridge Trolls: That’s fine. They’re just excited. “Ooh, um, he, uh, hmm.” And they both look down a little bit and look at each other. The, the one on the left says, “H-he was wearing a cloak.” And the one on the right says, “Yes, h-he, he see us twice, but, but both time he wear cloak.”

Scraw: “What?”

GM: And they’re looking at each other trying to puzzle if they can think of any other detail that …

Scraw: “He comes back often?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Uh, no. Just, just twice. Yeah, just, just the once and, uh, and the other once.”

Scraw: “Was the person that he brought you the most recent time?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Yes, yes, most recent.”

Scraw: “Then that’s probably all I care about. Where did you put her?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Mmmmm {contemplative}.” And …

Scraw: “Because you see the horned man over there. He,” and he points at Tobe …


Scraw: … over his shoulder, “He is very angry. And he eats bridge trolls.”


Scraw: “I, I don’t know what to tell you. I, I will try to control him, but he delights in the flesh of bridge trolls.”


Scraw: “And the person you have hidden is his treasured friend.” Pointing at Tobe, he’s like, “I will do my best to control him, but you have his very special, special, treasured friend and he …”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: And the more you talk about Tobe, the more the two little bridge trolls look him and go, “Oooh, {scared noises}”

Tobe: {laughs} I’d just like to like add to this point that I’m just standing there confused and bemused. I don’t look angry or threatening. I’m just confused.

Scraw: “And the bird, don’t even let me tell you what the bird would do.”


Teacup Bridge Trolls: “What, what’s, what’s bird do? It just bird.”

Scraw: “You like eyeballs? Birds do.”


Teacup Bridge Trolls: “I’d like eyeballs so I can see.”

Scraw: “Bird like eyeballs for flavor.”


Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Oh, no. Oh, no.”

Scraw: “But only while still wriggling.”

GM: And they hold each other and they’re shivering a little bit.

Scraw: “We need to know where his friend is, very quickly.”

Teacup Bridge Trolls:GM: “{stammers} No, just, just eyes, eyes!” All they say is, “Eyes! Eyes!” And they have their hands over their eyes to protect them.

Scraw: “I will keep you safe, but take us to her. Quickly. Please.”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “{small sound} eye …” And they look at each other and the look at Scraw.

Scraw: Scraw stops and says, “I will tell the demon man …”


Scraw: ” … that he swears he will not harm you.” And then he turns to Tobe and says, “Tobe. Uh, I need you to say, ‘ {Giant} Ug chak’. ‘Me ug chak.'”

Tobe: “Uh, {Giant} Me ug chak {laughs}.”

Scraw: And he is saying, “I’ll eat you. I’ll eat you.”


Teacup Bridge Trolls: “{panicked stammering}” And they start panicking. “Oh no. Oh no. {frightened twittering}”

Scraw: {Urgently} “His hunger is getting … We must hurry.”


Tobe: I love how it’s like the least threatening way he could have said that. {laughs}

Mhurren: I-I shout from the back towards Scraw. “Scraw, I think we’ve paid for enough dancers. We should get moving and find our friend.”


Scraw: “I’m working on it, Mhurren. Just, hey, uh, you try that one too.”

Tobe: “I think he wants you to say, {Giant} Me-me ug chak?”

Mhurren: “Wha- {stammers}. {Giant} Me ug chak.”


Teacup Bridge Trolls: “{frightened twittering}”

Scraw: {Feigned urgency} “Oh, no. It’s spreading. Friends, quickly, please!”


Scraw: “I don’t know if I can stop both of them.”

Mhurren: [Clapping] in, in thanks. I clap in thanks for their services rendered.


Mhurren: “{Giant} Me ug chak.” [Clapping]


Teacup Bridge Trolls: “{stammering} Okay, okay, okay, we, we make you deal.”

Mhurren: “Your customs are beautiful.” [Clapping]


Teacup Bridge Trolls: “You give us one more gold and then we take you to her.”

Scraw: {dismissively} “You know what? Actually, I have to get back to the castle. I’m going to leave my friends here. Is that okay?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: {confused} “You can do whatever you want.”

Scraw: “Oh, so you’re okay with me leaving you with the, the troll eaters?” [claps] “Okay, well, I’ll see you. It’s been lovely. It’s, it’s been lovely dealing with you. Well, enjoy the next few minutes, I suppose.” And Scraw stands up and walks back. “I need you to look as menacing as possible and start walking towards those trolls, please, slowly, and pretend you’re zombies. It’s really, really important.”

Tobe: “Uh, oh-kay, sure.”

Mhurren: “Um, but …”

Scraw: “Trust me. Trust me on this.”

Mhurren: As we’re walking, {laughs} as we’re walking, “But did it tell you anything about Myx?”

Scraw: “They know where she is. And they’re not telling me. Channel that. {laughs}”

GM: The moment, the moment Mhurren or Tobe start moving towards them, they start bolting.

Scraw: Scraw didn’t get that far away from them. I’m going to go and grapple one of them.

Teacup Bridge Trolls: You grappled one of them and the other one is like, “Oh, no! No! No!” Won’t abandon it’s twin. Just won’t. “Oh, ok, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.”

Scraw: “Enough nonsense.”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “{angry} You nonsense.”

Scraw: “Where is she?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Okay, let …”

Scraw: I start shaking his twin.

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Nooooooo. Let Mimu go!”

Mhurren: I move a bit closer. {laughs}

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “No!”

Scraw: “I don’t want to hurt anyone. I was trying to keep you safe from these monsters.”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “You let …”

Mhurren: Got my mace out.

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Let Mimu.”

Scraw: “He’s got his troll cracker out. Are you going to take me to our friend or not?”

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “No. Let Mimu go! Let Mimu go!” [pounding on Scraw]

Scraw: “No.” I squeeze the troll in my arms.

Tobe: Oh, god.

Scraw: ‘Til he squeals.

GM: And the troll that’s still standing just sobs.

Scraw: “You know, I’m starting to feel a little hungry myself.” That’s a natural 20. “Are you taking me to my friend or not?

Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Uhm …” This bridge troll is crying and looking at you. “Look, b-but, brother, just, Mimu more important than all the gold, all the gold. Please let him go and I promise I will take you …”


Teacup Bridge Trolls: “Don’t you understand? No Mimu, no go!”

Scraw: “Tobe!”

Tobe: “Hmm?”

Scraw: “These trolls know where Myx is. Somebody paid them to hide her. She was unconscious, uh, from what I can gather and they will not tell me where she is. And, feel free to grab that one, but this one’s not going anywhere.”

Tobe: I make a grab for the other one.

GM: You catch them.

Scraw: “Oh no. Now the beast has got you. Now we’ve got both of you. So, are you going to direct us to where we need to go or are you going to both end up in his stomach? If you take us to our friend, we’ll let you go. But, you take us there first.”

GM: The twin that Tobe now has in his arm looks very defeated and slowly nods, agrees to, to take you there.

Mhurren: I- I’m just laughing at all this nervously. [clapping] “Uh, uh, {Giant} ug chak my friends!”

Scraw: “They know where Myx is and now they’re going to show us. You can point the way, lead on.”

GM: They do that. They instruct you to cross the bridge.

Scraw: We cross the bridge, with my little troll compass held against my chest.


Scraw: I just follow his arm wherever it points.

Tobe: Meanwhilw. You know how someone who doesn’t like children would hold a toddler away from … That is what Tobe is doing, because he doesn’t know why he’s holding this troll {laughs} other than they know where Myx is.

Mhurren: I imagine it like a dowsing rod.

GM: And they’re just getting you to walk in a northeastern direction, we’ll say, past the bridge, towards the northeast. And slowly but surely, for the most part, this is quite an open clearing, but as you get a little bit past the other side of the river, you start seeing quite a few trees and we’re entering forest. True to their word, they …

Mhurren: “My friends, do you think they want to be put down now?”

Scraw: “No. I don’t trust them. I’m sorry, but I offered to pay them to do this, and they refused point blank to even be remotely helpful until pretty much …”

Mhurren: “Wait, I thought you were paying them to dance.”

Scraw: “No, no, no, no, no, no. They were very excited about the gold.”

Mhurren: [clapping] “It was a good dance. Ug chak.”

Tobe: “Uhhh.”

Scraw: “Uh, yes, that very, um, it’s a common troll greeting. It helped me to convince them, for sure.”

Tobe: Uh, okay, now Tobe wants to {laughs} do insight on what Scraw is telling them.

Scraw: Scraw’s obviously hiding something.


Tobe: “I’m not sure you should keep saying that phrase, Mhurren.”

Scraw: “I mean, it depends. I-If you want to continue to coerce them, then by all means, continue saying that phrase.”

Tobe: “Are we coercing them or are we scaring the shit out of them?”

Scraw: “Is there a difference at this point? Do you know, w-want to know where Myx is?”

Tobe: “I do want to know where Myx is, but I want them to be …”

Scraw: “Well then, who gives a fuck.”


Tobe: ” … mentally capable of still telling us where she is.”

Scraw: “Do you really feel terribly guilty that you’ve had to terrify these trolls which refuse to tell you about your unconscious friend they left in a forest or a cave somewhere?”

Tobe: “Okay, when you put it like that, I’m slightly less guilty feeling.”

Scraw: “Yeah, thought so. {yelling} WHERE ARE WE GOING, TROLL?”

GM: So, you’ve been discussing with each other.

Scraw: I’ve just been walking and following the directions they’ve been leading.

GM: Yeah, exactly, they’ve stopped signaling. And you find yourselves …

Scraw: I shake the one that I am holding because I think it’s broken.


GM: Oh my …


Tobe: I think it is broken after it’s experience.

Scraw: When you get compass, uh, is this really north? Tap, tap, tap.

Teacup Bridge Troll: “{cries out}”

Scraw: Shake, shake, shake.

Teacup Bridge Troll: “Why, why you …”


Scraw: “Why aren’t you pointing anymore?”

Teacup Bridge Troll: “{stammers}”

Scraw: “I don’t see Myx.”

GM: And it just points up, because as it turns out. They have led you underneath, it’s a really, really big, really old willow tree.

Scraw: Scraw looks up. “You put her in a tree?”

[Gentle music]

Ray:Host: And that’s all we had time for this week. Join us next week for part two and the thrilling conclusion. We’ll also be doing a post-game interview with Nina on how it was to DM her first ever game and a quick review of the one-shot designed by H. H. Carlan who you can find on Twitter @stopthtoldwoman.

Remember to stop by our Patreon at and show us some love, and don’t forget you can also stop over and support Nina’s Kickstarter for the LGBTQIA+ moth-based enamel pins at That’s P-E-A-R-L-E-S-Q-U-E-D dot U-K. Season 2 is starting June 10th, so until next time, travel safe and remember, in this realm or the next, the Scales of Justice are here for you, always.

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